STOPPING The Oh-So-Subtle Self–Sabotage
In my previous post, I played true confessions. I fessed up that, years ago, I constantly put myself down…without really knowing it!
I have a hunch many of you do the same. And believe me, self depreciation is a subtle but serious form of self sabotage.
I’d like to share what I did to stop. It wasn’t easy. I’m far from perfect. But success is so much easier since I curtailed my self-criticism and began acknowledging my value.
Here’s my 3-point plan to Stop Self Criticism—Observe; Brag; Find Spotters.
- I started by observing my conversations. Every time I heard me belittling myself, I stopped. Literally stopped, mid-sentence, and force myself to say something positive…even if it was just ‘thank you.’
- I started bragging (thanks to Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts). I mean, I actually prefaced sentences with “I brag…” and then tooted my own horn.
- I shared my goal with a few close friends, asking them to spot me by pointing out my more subtle put-downs. They had no trouble catching me in the act. Their feedback was quite effective.
Admittedly, these steps, at first, felt ridiculously uncomfortable, completely awkward. But gradually, I began to notice something. My self-derision all but disappeared. And I felt much better about myself.
I’m here to say, I swear it’s true–what you share, you definitely strengthen. Please leave a comment below on how these steps support you in achieving greatness.
Barbara, I attended that wonderful workshop at the Omega Institute along the Hudson River in NYS a year ago October. (Rhinebeck … that’s where it was)
I totally agree that what we talk about we strengthen. I’ve cut out a lot of the self sabotage, and I’m going to use the three points above to see how much more I can pick up on and eliminate. It feels so good to do that.
Right now I’m working on doing a similar thing in thinking and talking about money, wealth, finances, anything to do with dollars. When I catch myself in a negative, I stop mid thought/sentence and re-frame it. If turning it around puts me in a negative “yeah right!” mode, I do it as a process. Example: I start listing the financial progress I’ve made and comment that I’m happy to be moving in the right direction and that now I’m aware of this (particular thing) I can leave it behind as I continue to make progress here too.
Sometimes it’s just a matter of refining how I’m saying something and that’s truly encouraging.
Thanks for all your good work and encouragement. Barbara
(Barbara Alpher)
Hey Barbara, so wonderful to ‘see’ you here. And thanks for your brilliant post. I love what you said and can’t wait to hear more about how it’s working for you. Big hugs, B
I like to say to myself “Girl!!!! that is so not true!” and then reverse the comment say from “don’t be an idiot” to ” I am awesome!” But as you say, it’s keeping the “observing antenae” up!
Oh Teri, Can I borrow your phrase: “Girl, that is so not true!? I adore it. It’s perfect! It has a good ring…and feels sooooo good. Thanks for sharing!