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Financial Success: A Parable

Written by Barbara Huson

Once upon a time, a very wise King decided to put a massive boulder in the middle of the road.  

Everyone who walked by simply went around it. No one attempted to move it.  

One day a poor peasant, carrying a load of vegetables, was walking down the road when he came upon the boulder. He put down his load, walked over to the giant rock and tried to push it aside.

It wouldn’t budge. He strained and struggled until finally it moved a bit. He kept at it until, slowly, he was able to shove it out of the way.  

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How Shame Impacts Finances

Written by Barbara Huson

It was a conversation with a friend I’ll never forget. Her family was dirt poor. Mine was quite wealthy. Our childhoods were starkly different, but we shared a startling similarity.

 

Growing up, we both felt tremendous shame around our family’s finances. I hated being different from my friends. She loathed feeling less than her peers. I never knew if people liked me for me or my rich parents. She always suspected others pitied or looked down on her.

That’s when I realized: Money Shame is ubiquitous regardless of one’s economic status. But it’s not the money (or lack of it) that causes shame. Money simply magnifies the shame we’ve always carried.

Shame is the intense pain of feeling so awful, so flawed, so defective that we’re convinced we’re worthless and unlovable.

 

I believe unhealed shame is perhaps the major reason smart, capable women struggle financially.  Because when shame is triggered, the logical thinking part of our brain virtually shuts down.

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The Subtle Art of Self -Sabotage

Written by Barbara Huson

There’s a line in A Course in Miracles that, long ago, had a big impact on me: “What you share you strengthen.”  

It was when a coach gave me an intriguing assignment that the line really came to life for me.  For 2 weeks, I was to simply observe my conversations, without changing a thing. Just notice what I talked about, the words I used, my typical reactions…you know, the stuff I was sharing with others.

What I saw was not pretty.  I was constantly putting myself down, without ever realizing it. I’d dismiss my skills (“Oh, that’s no big deal”). I’d deflect praise (“I thought I was awful”). I’d diminish my successes (“But I could’ve done so much better”).

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Trauma—a Curse or a Catalyst?

Written by Barbara Huson

A recent headline caught my eye. “How Trauma Can Become A Catalyst For Personal Growth.”

The subject of trauma seems to be trending these days. Or maybe I’m noticing it more now because I’ve been cursed by a series of calamities.

Starting in 2020, I’ve watched my mother die, my daughter suffer a painful illness, my best friend’s cancer return, and my 12th surgery in less than 3 years. All during the pandemic! My struggles with anxiety, insomnia, anger, grief, and fear are classic symptoms of PTSD.

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10 Signs of Financial Abuse

Written by Barbara Huson

I am a survivor of abuse. But I swear, at first, it felt like love.

He wanted to take care of me, he said. He paid the bills, managed the investments, balanced my checkbook.  I was the luckiest girl in the world.

Until the lies started. And the gaslighting. He refused to explain why there was no money in the bank, why creditors kept calling, why he yelled about my overspending when I wasn’t, why he quit his job to focus on investing but kept incurring huge losses.

Finally, it hit me. What I regarded as caring and concern was, in truth, a power play to gain control. It was a classic case of Financial Abuse.

At the time, I’d never heard the term. Nor did I realize it was a serious form of domestic violence, which can start off subtly, as in my case, but often escalates to emotional and physical abuse, as it also did in my case.

Today Financial Abuse is on the rise. And it doesn’t just occur in romantic relationships, but with business partnerships, roommates, even parents and adult children.

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Finding Peace in the Midst of Pain

Written by Barbara Huson

Years ago, during a devastating crisis, I saw a quote that struck a nerve: “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” 

I felt the deep wisdom in those words. Yet I couldn’t figure out how to apply them to my life. Here I was, facing a crushing divorce from a compulsive liar, a million-dollar tax bill I couldn’t pay, and my parents refusing to help. Left alone to raise 3 young daughters, I was terrified.

Since that time, I’ve often wondered—Is it really possible to find peace in the midst of pain? The answer escaped me…

Until this week…when Katie Adler, a member of my online community, shared an article about Wabi Sabi.

Wabi Sabi, an ancient Japanese philosophy, is all about finding peace and beauty in imperfection. And it offers a simple but practical formula for experiencing pain without suffering:

“Accept what is, stay in the present moment, and appreciate the simple, transient stages of life.” 

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What if Your Money Problems Aren’t Actually About Money?

Written by Barbara Huson

She was smart, successful, making good money…yet was at her wits end.

“There are periods when I manage to save a lot,” she told me. “But then I start overspending and ignoring my money. It’s like I can’t help it.”

Even after years of taking financial workshops, reading money books, doing personal growth work, she felt stuck in a frustrating pattern that was taking a toll on her health and her happiness.

“It feels like a vicious cycle I can’t get off,” she moaned.

She couldn’t stop because she didn’t have a money problem. She had a Money Disorder. There’s a big difference.

A Money Disorder is a chronic, self-destructive pattern caused by unconscious beliefs that cause dysfunctional behaviors associated with money.

Money Disorders, left untreated, can ruin your quality of life, wreck your relationships, destroy your peace of mind, leaving you feeling hopeless and helpless.

The Question is: How do you know if your difficulties with money are actually a more serious disorder?

According to an online article titled: 15 Fascinating Signs You May Have a Money Disorder, these are the classic symptoms:

  1. You can’t define what having ‘enough’ money means.
  2. You keep credit cards and bank account info from your partner.
  3. You keep piling on.
  4. You avoid spending money at all costs.
  5. You use money as a way to fill a void.
  6. You’re living in extremes.
  7. Your life is in chaos as a result of your spending habits.
  8. You’re in denial about your debts.
  9. You’re a workaholic.
  10. You’re a pathological gambler.
  11. Having money makes you feel guilty.
  12. You find it hard to say no when people ask for money.
  13. You give people money even if you know you’re enabling their poor financial choices.
  14. You lie to your partner about how much you spend.
  15. You refuse to talk about money at all.

If you have even one of these signs, the culprit is not financial, but as the article explains, it’s an “emotional and spiritual imbalance” which requires deeper, emotional healing with a skillful therapist.

I recommend working with someone who specializes in trauma therapy or joining a support group like my online community, The Wealth Connection.

To read the full article, click HERE.

How would you rate your relationship with money— a problem or a money disorder? Tell me what you think in the comments below.

Overcoming Limiting Beliefs that Limit Your $uccess

Written by Barbara Huson

Dear Entrepreneur,

If success eludes you and profits are paltry, a new study sheds important light on your situation. Being a business owner myself, I found it quite illuminating.

All 357 female entrepreneurs surveyed knew what they needed to do to grow their business. Yet they “expressed doubt” about taking those steps due to their limiting beliefs.

“Female entrepreneurs limit their business success because they hold beliefs that lead to small actions instead of big ones,” the study reported. Or they may avoid taking any action altogether.

Bottom line:  The more limiting your beliefs, the lower your earnings.

The study was brought to my attention by Catherine Bown, a member of my online community, The Wealth Connection, sales trainer and one of the six researchers of the study.

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Why I Have a Problem with “Rich”

Written by Barbara Huson

My passion is helping women become wealthy. I notice, however, I rarely, if ever, use the word ‘rich.’

I remember when, decades ago, David Bach sent me a copy of Smart Women Finish Rich. My first book had just been published, one of the earliest finance books geared to women, and he wanted to talk.

I loved what he wrote, but the word, ‘rich’ turned me off. I couldn’t understand why.

Then, last week, I received a newsletter from Nick Maggiulli, titled: Rich vs Wealthy: A Comprehensive Guide to Different Financial Lifestyles.

Finally, I realized why ‘rich’ never resonated.

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Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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