Life Lessons

Finding Peace in the Midst of Pain

Years ago, during a devastating crisis, I saw a quote that struck a nerve: “Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.” 

I felt the deep wisdom in those words. Yet I couldn’t figure out how to apply them to my life. Here I was, facing a crushing divorce from a compulsive liar, a million-dollar tax bill I couldn’t pay, and my parents refusing to help. Left alone to raise 3 young daughters, I was terrified.

Since that time, I’ve often wondered—Is it really possible to find peace in the midst of pain? The answer escaped me…

Until this week…when Katie Adler, a member of my online community, shared an article about Wabi Sabi.

Wabi Sabi, an ancient Japanese philosophy, is all about finding peace and beauty in imperfection. And it offers a simple but practical formula for experiencing pain without suffering:

“Accept what is, stay in the present moment, and appreciate the simple, transient stages of life.” 

What if Your Money Problems Aren’t Actually About Money?

She was smart, successful, making good money…yet was at her wits end.

“There are periods when I manage to save a lot,” she told me. “But then I start overspending and ignoring my money. It’s like I can’t help it.”

Even after years of taking financial workshops, reading money books, doing personal growth work, she felt stuck in a frustrating pattern that was taking a toll on her health and her happiness.

“It feels like a vicious cycle I can’t get off,” she moaned.

She couldn’t stop because she didn’t have a money problem. She had a Money Disorder. There’s a big difference.

A Money Disorder is a chronic, self-destructive pattern caused by unconscious beliefs that cause dysfunctional behaviors associated with money.

Money Disorders, left untreated, can ruin your quality of life, wreck your relationships, destroy your peace of mind, leaving you feeling hopeless and helpless.

The Question is: How do you know if your difficulties with money are actually a more serious disorder?

According to an online article titled: 15 Fascinating Signs You May Have a Money Disorder, these are the classic symptoms:

  1. You can’t define what having ‘enough’ money means.
  2. You keep credit cards and bank account info from your partner.
  3. You keep piling on.
  4. You avoid spending money at all costs.
  5. You use money as a way to fill a void.
  6. You’re living in extremes.
  7. Your life is in chaos as a result of your spending habits.
  8. You’re in denial about your debts.
  9. You’re a workaholic.
  10. You’re a pathological gambler.
  11. Having money makes you feel guilty.
  12. You find it hard to say no when people ask for money.
  13. You give people money even if you know you’re enabling their poor financial choices.
  14. You lie to your partner about how much you spend.
  15. You refuse to talk about money at all.

If you have even one of these signs, the culprit is not financial, but as the article explains, it’s an “emotional and spiritual imbalance” which requires deeper, emotional healing with a skillful therapist.

I recommend working with someone who specializes in trauma therapy or joining a support group like my online community, The Wealth Connection.

To read the full article, click HERE.

How would you rate your relationship with money— a problem or a money disorder? Tell me what you think in the comments below.

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A Master Class in Wealth Creation…Based on Kick-Ass Quotes

I love quotes. These tiny bits of timeless wisdom convey vast amounts of knowledge in a mere sentence or two.

This week, I’ve boiled down the secrets to successful investing into a series of pithy expert sayings. Consider it a Master Class in wealth creation.

Let’s start with economist Jeremy Siegel, “Fear incites human action far more urgently than does the impressive weight of historical evidence.” 

Financial decisions made from fear (vs knowledge) never turn out well. As history reveals, after every crash, the market eventually surges. Yet fear has us selling at a loss, missing future gains.

According to wealthy industrialist J. Paul Getty, fear can be a buy signal. “Buy when everyone else is selling and hold until everyone else is buying.”

That’s not just a catchy slogan. It’s the very essence of successful investing.

Baron Rothschild was even more succinct: “The time to buy is when there’s blood in the streets.”

Our biggest risk is not the market tanking, but our emotional reaction.

As acclaimed investor Benjamin Graham pointed out: “The investor’s chief problem — and even his worst enemy — is likely to be himself.”

The Myth of “More”

I have always found myself yearning for more…more money, more success, more sales, more ­­­­______ (fill in the blank).

I proudly considered this constant yearning a healthy sign of a robust ambition. Until I began studying neuroscience and realized how truly unhealthy this kind of thinking actually is.

Here’s why. We literally sculpt our brain by what we dwell on. The more we think a thought or feel an emotion, the stronger that neuropathway becomes in our brain.

By constantly hungering for more, I was inadvertently telling my brain “I don’t have enough.” 

The more I repeated that thought, the stronger the “not enough” neuropathway grew, until I’d unconsciously do things that kept reinforcing my experience of ‘not enough.’

Shifting from Financial Misery to Financial Miracles in 3 Steps

I spent much of my adult life in financial turmoil. Even as I learned more about money, I still felt out of control. Then everything changed.

The answer didn’t come from a financial text, but a spiritual one, A Course in Miracles.

From the Course I learned that we have “two thought systems” or two distinct “voices” in our head:

  • The voice of Fear (the Ego).
  • And the voice of Love (the Soul).

The Soul and the Ego have conflicting agendas. Thus, they produce dramatically different results–either miracles or misery.

You cannot follow two masters,” the Course warns. “There is no compromise between the two.”

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You Say You Want More Money, But….

If intentions are so powerful, why don’t they always pan out? What if you swear you want to make more money, your intent is sincere, your desire is strong, but try as you might, your paycheck remains paltry?

If this is the case, it’s for this reason: You get what you want, not what you ask for. The distinction is critical.

When a buried intention—say, to be comfortable—is stronger than your spoken one—to be profitable—you’ll stop yourself at every turn. You may say, and believe, you want to make more, but that’s not the message that’s reaching your brain.

If you’re not getting it, for whatever reason, chances are you may not want it. Or as A Course in Miracles explains:  “What you ask for, you receive. But this refers to prayers of the heart, not the words you use in praying.”

I guarantee, setting a powerful intention and committing to it can make a big difference in how financially successful you actually become.

What’s Your Legacy? Don’t Wait Till It’s Too Late to Think About It.

When I was in my 20’s, I saw a poster that read “Will it matter that I was?” Those words got me thinking about the legacy I wanted to leave, an inquiry that’s still ongoing to this day.

Every one of us leaves a legacy, but surprisingly few reflect on what they want theirs to be. Yet, it’s an important point for us all to ponder.

I once stumbled on a very touching blog written by a hospice physician. She saw how many of her patients were “deeply disturbed” because they hadn’t “contributed anything significant to life.”

“The message I have taken away from these patients,” she wrote, “is that it is far better to contemplate the meaning of life when we actually have some time left to work on the question.”

The Power of Philanthropy

Let’s talk about philanthropy. This is where the real power and true joy resides.

I first realized this when I interviewed smart women for my first book, Prince Charming Isn’t Coming: How Women Get Smart About Money. I thought the whole purpose of taking the financial reins was to have more money in the bank.

But these women were telling me there’s more. Knowing how to invest wisely is merely the first part of taking fiscal responsibility. The other part, equally important, is recognizing you have the power to effect change.

I’m convinced this as an inevitable, evolutionary process. Once a woman becomes financially secure, there’s a natural progression from needing to get a grip on her money to wanting to extend her reach in the world.

As we stop waiting to be saved, we start wanting to serve. As we figure out how to invest for the highest returns, we start wondering where we can invest to achieve the most impact.

Yet philanthropy is usually the least thought out, most disorganized, part of our financial activities. We give more thought to buying a pair of shoes than which causes we donate to.

How Much Risk Can You Tolerate?

Risk tolerance. You’ve probably heard those words bandied about when talk turns to investing. But do you know what they mean?

Risk tolerance is generally defined as the ability to stomach large swings in the value of your investment portfolio. Because the market, by nature, is very volatile, understanding your risk tolerance is vital for making prudent decisions.

There are 3 factors to help you figure it out.

The Secret to Success in Only Five Words

One day, I was glancing at the Wall Street Journal, when 5 words grabbed my attention. “The survival of the focused.”

I forget what the article was about. But I knew those five words carried a powerful message. A message High Earners live by. But one Underearners have failed to grasp.

Without focus, it’s easy to get sidetracked by multiple distractions fighting for your attention. But with focus, conflicting objectives cease to control you, making it easier (and less stressful) to take decisive action without second guessing.

What’s the trick to getting focused? Getting crystal clear on your priorities, what’s really important to you.   All else goes on the back burner.

Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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