A brand-new study—about women and investing—triggered a decades old memory
I’d just sold my first book—Prince Charming Isn’t Coming— to a publisher and flew to NY to meet my editor. As we chatted, I casually asked if she invested. An awkward silence ensued.
Clearly embarrassed, she muttered, “Oh no, I have no money for that.” I quickly changed the subject.
I am a survivor of abuse. But I swear, at first, it felt like love.
He wanted to take care of me, he said. He paid the bills, managed the investments, balanced my checkbook. I was the luckiest girl in the world.
Until the lies started. And the gaslighting. He refused to explain why there was no money in the bank, why creditors kept calling, why he yelled about my overspending when I wasn’t, why he quit his job to focus on investing but kept incurring huge losses.
Finally, it hit me. What I regarded as caring and concern was, in truth, a power play to gain control. It was a classic case of Financial Abuse.
At the time, I’d never heard the term. Nor did I realize it was a serious form of domestic violence, which can start off subtly, as in my case, but often escalates to emotional and physical abuse, as it also did in my case.
Today Financial Abuse is on the rise. And it doesn’t just occur in romantic relationships, but with business partnerships, roommates, even parents and adult children.
She was smart, successful, making good money…yet was at her wits end.
“There are periods when I manage to save a lot,” she told me. “But then I start overspending and ignoring my money. It’s like I can’t help it.”
Even after years of taking financial workshops, reading money books, doing personal growth work, she felt stuck in a frustrating pattern that was taking a toll on her health and her happiness.
“It feels like a vicious cycle I can’t get off,” she moaned.
She couldn’t stop because she didn’t have a money problem. She had a Money Disorder. There’s a big difference.
A Money Disorder is a chronic, self-destructive pattern caused by unconscious beliefs that cause dysfunctional behaviors associated with money.
Money Disorders, left untreated, can ruin your quality of life, wreck your relationships, destroy your peace of mind, leaving you feeling hopeless and helpless.
The Question is: How do you know if your difficulties with money are actually a more serious disorder?
According to an online article titled: 15 Fascinating Signs You May Have a Money Disorder, these are the classic symptoms:
If you have even one of these signs, the culprit is not financial, but as the article explains, it’s an “emotional and spiritual imbalance” which requires deeper, emotional healing with a skillful therapist.
I recommend working with someone who specializes in trauma therapy or joining a support group like my online community, The Wealth Connection.
To read the full article, click HERE.
How would you rate your relationship with money— a problem or a money disorder? Tell me what you think in the comments below.
Dear Entrepreneur,
If success eludes you and profits are paltry, a new study sheds important light on your situation. Being a business owner myself, I found it quite illuminating.
All 357 female entrepreneurs surveyed knew what they needed to do to grow their business. Yet they “expressed doubt” about taking those steps due to their limiting beliefs.
“Female entrepreneurs limit their business success because they hold beliefs that lead to small actions instead of big ones,” the study reported. Or they may avoid taking any action altogether.
Bottom line: The more limiting your beliefs, the lower your earnings.
The study was brought to my attention by Catherine Bown, a member of my online community, The Wealth Connection, sales trainer and one of the six researchers of the study.
My passion is helping women become wealthy. I notice, however, I rarely, if ever, use the word ‘rich.’
I remember when, decades ago, David Bach sent me a copy of Smart Women Finish Rich. My first book had just been published, one of the earliest finance books geared to women, and he wanted to talk.
I loved what he wrote, but the word, ‘rich’ turned me off. I couldn’t understand why.
Then, last week, I received a newsletter from Nick Maggiulli, titled: Rich vs Wealthy: A Comprehensive Guide to Different Financial Lifestyles.
Finally, I realized why ‘rich’ never resonated.
I love quotes. These tiny bits of timeless wisdom convey vast amounts of knowledge in a mere sentence or two.
This week, I’ve boiled down the secrets to successful investing into a series of pithy expert sayings. Consider it a Master Class in wealth creation.
Let’s start with economist Jeremy Siegel, “Fear incites human action far more urgently than does the impressive weight of historical evidence.”
Financial decisions made from fear (vs knowledge) never turn out well. As history reveals, after every crash, the market eventually surges. Yet fear has us selling at a loss, missing future gains.
According to wealthy industrialist J. Paul Getty, fear can be a buy signal. “Buy when everyone else is selling and hold until everyone else is buying.”
That’s not just a catchy slogan. It’s the very essence of successful investing.
Baron Rothschild was even more succinct: “The time to buy is when there’s blood in the streets.”
Our biggest risk is not the market tanking, but our emotional reaction.
As acclaimed investor Benjamin Graham pointed out: “The investor’s chief problem — and even his worst enemy — is likely to be himself.”
Money + Anxiety go together like a fifth of vodka and a hangover. An inevitable outcome unless you’re really careful.
Whether you don’t have enough or simply don’t know enough; whether you’re overspending or underearning; whether the market’s plunging or your debt is mounting…anxiety is unavoidable.
If you’re feeling anxious because of your finances (or anything else), what are you supposed to do? Live with the angst?
No, claims The Wall Street Journal. Try Sighing! Yes, you read the right. Let me hear an “AHHHHHHHH.”
