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The Absurdity of Arbitrary Deadlines

“Want to make God laugh? Tell Her your plans”–anonymous

 

There are no accidents, right? Yesterday, I had the same conversation with 3 different people within 24 hours.

They all had a common theme: the absurdity of arbitrary deadlines.

The first was with a friend freaking out over a speech he had to write for Toastmasters. This happened every time he tried to write one. It was making his life miserable. But he refused to quit because, he declared, “I promised myself I’d stick it out for a full year.”

The second was with another friend also freaking out over a coaching program she was dying to do but couldn’t afford. She insisted she had to do it now.  “If I don’t figure out this year what I’m really supposed to be doing,” she exclaimed, “I know I’ll never do it.” Did I mention she is 29 years old?

The third was with a first-time writer who’d given herself a year to complete a novel. The date was fast approaching but health problems kept interfering. Instead of cutting herself some slack, she sank into depression. “I feel like a failure,” she kept saying.

In their words, I saw the self inflicted craziness of my own making.

A while back, I gave myself a similar directive —finish my book proposal by the end of the year. Two years later, it’s nowhere close to completion. I’ve been beating myself up—unmercifully—ever since.

(Warning: Self flagellation does not further the creative process!)

Don’t get me wrong. Deadlines are a useful tool to keep us on track.

The trouble comes when we don’t meet them. Rather than rethinking the timing, we tenaciously cling to our commitment or brutally reproach ourselves for screwing up.

What if I started seeing things differently? Perhaps there’s a reason I’ve not finished my proposal. Perhaps the timing will turn out to be perfect. Only in hind sight can I possibly know what’s actually in my own best interest.

As today’s Abraham Hicks quote reminded me (no accident again!), “Life is supposed to be fun…If you are doing it for any other reason, then you are not connecting to your Source Energy.”

There and then, I made a decision.

From now on, if I’m feeling stuck, if doors stay closed, if nothing flows freely and it ceases to be fun, I’m viewing these as indicators that  it’s time to surrender rather than doggedly pursuing a rigid decision.

It all boils down to this: Would I rather live with the tranquility of trusting a Higher Source or tolerate the stress of self-imposed pressure? Duh!!!

Stanny’s Law of a Lousy Economy

Have the headlines got you spooked?

Let me introduce you to Stanny’s Law of a Lousy Economy. It goes like this: no matter how tough times are, there’ll always be people who are prospering. Why not you?

I discovered this law after I wrote Secrets of Six-Figure Women...at  the height of the dot com boom.  But when the bubble finally burst, I called each woman back to see how they were faring.

Even as the economy was tanking, many of their careers were thriving. They were finding new jobs, negotiating raises, winning promotions, doubling (even tripling) their client base, making more money than ever before.

“Just because it’s a down time,” said a woman whose coaching business was up 40 percent, “You don’t have to go down with it. There’s lots of opportunity. You’ve just got to find it.”

That’s not to say there weren’t those who suffered a job loss or saw lower profits. Yet even they were amazingly upbeat about their future.

I asked one woman how she felt when the hedge fund she managed collapsed. Her reply: “I regard it as a godsend. As long as the money was so good, it was tough to leave and look for something more challenging.”

These women viewed the slumping economy as the perfect chance to pin down new strategies, explore something different or position themselves for the inevitable recovery.

They  never used bad times as an excuse not to stretch. Rather than buying into bad news, they concentrated on their value.

One high earner had just negotiated a very lucrative compensation package for a new job. When her boss balked at her terms, she refused to budge.

“I have a lot to contribute and the company needs to compensate me appropriately or I’ll go elsewhere,” she told him.

I see exactly the same thing happening today. While many (read: underearners) are focused on doors closing, high earners are finding windows of opportunity.

Here’s just one example. A woman who came to my Sacred Success® Retreat last May just sent me this email:

“I’ve increased my business income 3 ½ times since the retreat,  compared to all of 2010. Most importantly, I am happy, peaceful and content.  I feel calm, more comfortable in my own skin.”

Why not you too? While most of the world is focused on hard times, I invite all of you reading this blog to look for potential opportunities. They’re there. I promise!

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Confessions from a Metafiscal Teacher

I have a confession to make. Do you know why I teach Sacred Success®? Because that’s what I need to learn. And no one learns more than the teacher. Consider this recent experience.

I had taken on a lot of projects the last few weeks.  I was bursting with new ideas, excited to bring each one to fruition.

Yet, I began to feel myself slowly, subtly, almost imperceptibly slipping into…I couldn’t even say. My enthusiasm waned. I wasn’t as happy. I felt mildly overwhelmed, slightly off kilter. But it made no sense.  I loved everything I was doing!

Then I went to visit my daughter, the farmer.  There, down on the farm, Mother Nature taught me a mighty lesson: The Power of Pruning.

One of my daughter’s chores was pruning the fruit trees. Last year, the farm had a disappointing crop. The problem was they weren’t pruned enough.

“If you don’t prune back most of the new buds,” Anna explained, “too much of the tree’s energy goes into producing foliage instead of growing fruit.”

Without sufficient pruning, she continued, trees spread themselves too thin, reducing the amount of fruit they bear.

In my world, everything’s a metaphor.

Was I, like a fruit tree, spreading myself too thin? Was I letting too many budding projects sap my creativity, my energy, my focus?

I started wondering: if I cut back my output, would I, in the long term, bear more fruit?

Now we get to my confession. This is exactly what I’ve been teaching in Sacred Success™. Yet (gulp) part of me is scared to cut back.  The other part knows I need to.

What do you think? I welcome your advice.

5 Words Say it All…

I’m flipping through the Wall Street Journal, when 5 words practically slap me in the face. I’ve no idea what the article was about. But the phrase super-glued itself to my brain.

“The Survival of the Focused…”

Those 5 words sum up the Big Secret to mega financial success.

Those 5 words mark the major distinction between an Underearner and a High Earner.

Those 5 words capture the very essence of what it takes to achieve Greatness.

And for anyone who’s struggling to make ends meet, or live their dream, I say heed those 5 words.

I’m convinced these 5 words offer the key to not just surviving, but thriving, in this new economic paradigm.

This may sound weird, but I’ve always considered myself blessed with an unfair advantage. I’m only good at and enjoy doing 2 things: writing and teaching. Period! I understand why so many with far more skills than I often feel stymied.

Focusing can be very frustrating for the multi-faceted or multi-gifted. But if you want my advice–prioritize your passions. No matter how many interests, talents, opportunities, or possibilities are available to you, financial success will go to the focused.

Do you agree? I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please leave me a comment below!

STOPPING The Oh-So-Subtle Self–Sabotage

In my previous post, I played true confessions.  I fessed up that, years ago, I constantly put myself down…without really knowing it!

I have a hunch many of you do the same.  And believe me, self depreciation is a subtle but serious form of self sabotage.

I’d like to share what I did to stop. It wasn’t easy. I’m far from perfect. But success is so much easier since I curtailed my self-criticism and began acknowledging my value.

Here’s my 3-point plan to Stop Self Criticism—Observe; Brag; Find Spotters.

  1. I started by observing my conversations. Every time I heard me belittling myself, I stopped. Literally stopped, mid-sentence, and force myself to say something positive…even if it was just ‘thank you.’
  2. I started bragging (thanks to Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts). I mean, I actually prefaced sentences with “I brag…” and then tooted my own horn.
  3. I shared my goal with a few close friends, asking  them to spot me by pointing out my more subtle put-downs. They had no trouble catching me in the act.  Their feedback was quite effective.

Admittedly, these steps, at first, felt ridiculously uncomfortable, completely awkward. But gradually, I began to notice something.  My self-derision all but disappeared. And I felt much better about myself.

I’m here to say, I swear it’s true–what you share, you definitely strengthen. Please leave a comment below on how these steps support you in achieving greatness.

It’s Time to Get Tough!

Listen up, ladies. We need to talk.  We’re still on the ‘D’ word. But now we’re getting to the nitty gritty.  This form of Discipline is what separates the women from the girls. This is where the rubber meets the road.  This is, in short, the BIG SECRET to SACRED SUCCESS.

And I got it straight from the mouths of women who make millions.  If you wanna play  a bigger game, you gotta  toughen up! That means disconnecting from your Inner Pleaser and growing thicker skin.

By  nature, we women want everyone to be happy with us. Successful women are no different. Almost all I interviewed confessed to a “little girl inside me who wants to be liked.”

However, success requires us to make difficult, even painful, decisions that often have negative consequences for other people.

“You have to do the hard stuff,” said one mega high earner. That ‘hard stuff’ included firing employees, ending partnerships, holding tight during demanding negotiations, enforcing an unpopular policy, firing high paying clients, even enduring multiple rejections and disappointments.

In fact, virtually all the women I interviewed told me that their biggest regret was not making tough decisions sooner.

‘Toughening up’ didn’t mean these women had to harden their hearts, numb their senses, or go all macho.  It did mean a dramatic shift in their mindset.

The shift sounds like this:   ‘I’d rather be respected than liked.’

As one woman told me: “I tried to be nice rather than stand by my convictions. But I learned,  you can’t always be liked, but you can definitely be respected.”

The recognition that earning respect is more important than gaining approval was what one woman described as a “watershed moment.” It definitely was life-changing for me…and liberating.

This one shift in thinking– ‘I’d rather be respected than liked’ –means developing a “rhinoceroses hide” while keeping an open heart. This is precisely how we’ll become strong, effective leaders without compromising our feminine nature. This is what will allow us to be powerful without being punitive, forthright without being unfeeling, responsible without being ruthless.

Where do you need to toughen up?  If you’re like me, I bet it’s not just at work, but on the home front too.  Leave a comment below about what “toughening up” looks like in your life.

Achieving Financial Success, In Spite of Fear (yours and everyone else’s)

Have the headlines got you spooked?

I Can Do This !! Let me introduce you to my 2    Laws for Financial   Success…In Spite of Fear  (yours and everyone else’s!)…(drum roll please!)…expressly for the faint-hearted and other victims of the current fear mongering.

1.  Stanny’s Law of Resistance—the amount of resistance you experience in any endeavor is directly correlated to the amount of power and pleasure available on the other side.

2.  Stanny’s Law of a Lousy Economy—no matter how bad the economy, there will always be people who are prospering.

The following email demonstrates these laws in action.   The writer, a seminar graduate, ended up in the hospital after the first day of a 2 day seminar!  Even though she was in utter fear and the economy sucked big-time, she tenaciously respected Stanny’s Laws!  Look what happened:

Dear Barbara,

I took your Overcoming Under Earning Workshop last fall.   I am the woman who spent the night (after the first day) hooked to an IV in the emergency room.   My body was physically rebelling the changes that were taking place  in  me emotionally in your workshop!   As crazy as it seemed, I forced myself back for the second day… knowing I had every excuse not to launch deeper into more of my financial  mud pit.

Thank goodness I did… I am very happy to report that despite the economic upheaval of our Country I am better than ever.!!!! Since I saw you I have made some real tangible changes.  First off, I got the courage to go back to court and get a child support adjustment… this was something that I had been avoiding for 9 years… results a 233% increase!!!! Long overdue, obviously.

Even better than that, I finally know my financial future is completely in my hands… and that is incredibly empowering.   I now know that I control my financial future.  (I feel excited just writing this, and even more excited living it!!! )  I am working “smarter not harder“.

I have adjusted my business focus to accommodate the economic environment.  I now do what I had been doing full time, part time, and am working more full time with my internet brokerage company.  The  shift in focus has given me great financial success, as a matter of fact by staying on the course I am on  now, I am estimated to triple my best income  ever within 12 months!!!  Wow, didn’t even know what leverage was about a few years ago.

Just wanted to send you my  success story and express my thanks   for you, and the door that you helped me open in my life!

The moral of this story: never ever let fear or resistance stop you from going for the gold… regardless of what’s happening ‘out there’ or going on ‘in here’ (i.e. your head).  Resistance is simply a clear indication of what you need to do next!!

Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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