It’s a miracle!!!

Written by Barbara Huson

I sat down to write my December newsletter last week. I intended the subject to be “Creating a Life Vision”…you know, with the new year around the corner.

But the first words I typed took me by surprise:

“I’ve been feeling restless lately. Unsettled. Out of sorts.”

That’s not at all what I’d expected to say! And you know what? I love when that happens….when writing turns into a voyage of self discovery. I decided to let the words flow and see what unfolded.
“Whenever I feel like this,” I continued, “it can only mean one thing. I need time to reflect…to hear what my soul is yearning to tell me.”

I promise you, that wasn’t what I wanted to hear…even though I knew it was the truth. I was craving solitude, but had no time for a time out. I had a gazillion things to do before I flew to Mexico for Christmas, including a business trip to the east coast.

And then my fingers, flying across the keys, made a pronouncement. They (my fingers, not me!) publicly committed “to take time out, this month…even though at this moment, I have no idea how I’ll do it.”

I’m here to tell you, I was ready to hit the delete button on that one. There was virtually no room in my schedule for a retreat. But I went ahead and sent out the newsletter. Then the damnedest thing happened.

The next day, I got an email from the East Coast client with the subject heading: No Travel. They cancelled the event, at the very last minute.

Suddenly, I had a few unscheduled days. Instead of filling them with busyness, as I normally would, I sunk into the empty space like a tub of warm water, soaking in the luxury of unstructured time.

I share this with you because I promised to blog about it. But also, I share this as a reminder… not only of the power of commitment, but also the often pointless effort of trying to figure out how something’s going to happen. My experience proves what Johann Wolfgang von Goethe told us long ago:

“The moment one definitely commits oneself, providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.

A whole stream of events issue from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man (or woman) could have dreamed would have come his (or her) way.”

Don’t you just love when miracles occur? Do you have any you’d care to share?

What Are You Afraid Of?

Written by Barbara Huson

I just ran across a blog…and am eager to share it with you.

Admittedly, I “ran into” it because the writer credited my book, Secrets of Six-Figure Women, for motivating her to blog. (Google sends me an alert whenever my name appears on the web.) But enough about me…

If you’re looking for an extra shot of courage, I urge you to visit http://amanda-whatareyouafraidof.blogspot.com/ Especially if you’re an aspiring writer…or an aspiring whatever….

All her life, Amanda wanted to be a writer…but never did anything about it, other than make excuses for why she couldn’t. After reading my book, however, she had an epiphany–she was just plain scared…of failure, of rejection, of not doing it right, of what others would think.

At that moment, Amanda realized, “We would rather stay exactly where we are—even if we’re miserable—because the thought of taking a risk and shaking things up scares us far more than a life of being comfortably numb.”

And at that moment, Amanda knew she had the “perfect subject for a blog—fear.” She started blogging with 2 goals in mind: 1) to overcome some of her fears, and 2) help others do the same.” And you know what? She’s actually doing it!!!

If you’re wrestling with fear (and who isn’t, to some degree?), I invite you to check out Amanda’s blog and let me know what you think!

My Man…My Money…and Me

Written by Barbara Huson

I think I just hit pay dirt…the reason I’ve had such trouble talking money with My Man. It happened last night.

I’ve been an avid journal writer since the 5^th grade. Every once in a while, I’ll go to the big cardboard box that holds my old journals and randomly pick one to read.

Last night, I selected a green spiral Mead notebook. It was from 1993… a very painful period when I was struggling with money…not long after the government told me I owed them over a million dollars (for back taxes my ex didn’t pay, for illegal deals he got us in).

As I read what I wrote on February 7, 1993, my jaw dropped:

“I think I just made a discovery. Why I have money problems. Watched a video with Susan [a girlfriend]. A woman comes on who says she’s having trouble with finances because she’s afraid people would be jealous if she had too much.

“Susan looked at me. “Can you relate to that,” she asked?

“Could I!!! I instantly felt the shame and secrecy of having money growing up, of being different from everyone else…and the almost pride I now feel when I talk about all my money problems. I can see how my need to be like others, to be accepted, has me sabotaging my success.”

I’ll be damned! The same discovery…16 years later! I had forgotten how self conscious I was, as a kid, about being rich. Sure there were advantages to living in a big house, having a famous father. But, at the same time, I was embarrassed. I never felt like I fit in. I was never quite sure if people liked me for me, or because of my family. I was always trying so hard to be just like everyone else. If I’d ever told anyone how I felt, which I rarely did, they’d always say: “Gee, I wish I had your problem!”

No wonder I was so scared to reveal myself to My Man. It suddenly made sense. In fact, writing this now, it seems downright obvious. I’m afraid of being different from him…of not being accepted.

Isn’t it astounding, how unconscious, irrational fears like these take hold with such an irrepressible force, it feels like we’re going against gravity?

So, here’s my current question: Now that I’m enlightened, will the conversation be easier? I’ll definitely let you know!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com

https://www.barbara-huson.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

16 Things I Wish I Knew About Money When I Graduated College

Written by Barbara Huson

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost;

that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.
– Henry David Thoreau

Had a brief, but interesting conversation while shopping in Costco with My Man and his son a few days ago. His son, a senior in college, is a sheer delight. He’s ambitious and charming, with a vivid imagination and a quirky view of life. We were walking down the home furnishing aisle when he made an announcement.

“I’m going to live in a Castle one day, “ he declared, and proceeded to describe how it would have a gym, a pool, a hula hoop court (he’s an amazing hooper!), and all the amenities castle’s typical have, including lots of turrets. The boy was dead serious. I was intrigued.

“Good goal,“ I assured him, and meant it. But even more, I saw it as a wonderful metaphor for the big dreams many college kids have for life after graduation. Problem is, like most his age, he hadn’t really thought through how to make it happen.

“If you start now,” I suggested, “You can definitely make it happen.” He asked for my advice. I was ready to give it, but standing in the middle of Costco, there were too many distractions.

So this blog is meant to help him (and anyone else) build a firm foundation under their future castles.

16 things I wish I knew about money when I graduated college:

1. If you can’t afford something, don’t buy it. Delayed gratification is the gateway to wealth (and a sign of maturity).

2. Despite what you’ve heard, money is NOT power. Money is simply a tool. The trick to getting the most out of any tool is to know how it works and to use it responsibly.

3. Understand the miraculous power of compounding—where your money earns interest, then your interest earns interest, and then that interest earns interest, and before you know it, you’ve got a lot more than when you started.

4. Make savings a habit. Every month, have a small amount–say $5 to $10–automatically transferred from your checking account to a savings account.

5. Consistent savings, no matter how tiny, adds up quickly.

6. Always have a Safety Net…just in case—accumulate at least 6 months of living expenses, to be used for emergencies only.

7. Create a Fun Fund for short-term purchases, like a ‘gotta-have’ video game or a weekend getaway—open a separate savings account, or simply drop spare change in a jar.

8. Begin now building good credit. Apply for a credit card and use it responsibly, which means paying it off every month (refer back to #1!)

9. Never, I mean NEVER, get into credit card debt (not for a castle or the carpet or even a couch). Mounting credit card bills destroys your peace of mind and your quality of life. What good is a castle if you can’t enjoy it?

10. Keep your checkbook balanced. Even better, put everything on Quicken. Clarity (knowing precisely how much you have) is power.

11. Learn about investing. Take a class. The only way to make sure your money grows (enough to buy a castle and also maintain it!) is by putting at least some of your cash in long term assets (like stocks & bonds) that will grow faster than inflation and taxes will take it away.

12. Never invest in anything you don’t understand. Otherwise, you won’t know what you’re buying; you won’t know when to sell; and you can’t accurately evaluate the advice you’re given.

13. Don’t put off investing until you’re older. If you start now, regularly investing small amounts (in mutual funds), that money will grow into millions. Really!!!

14. Own and respect your value. Never settle for less than you deserve or desire. Always ask for more than feels comfortable.

15. The biggest financial risk you can take is to ignore your money, and do nothing at all.

16. Read biographies of wealthy, successful people. They’ll inspire you to think bigger about what’s possible, and give you the fundamentals for making it happen.

That’s my advice. But it’s certainly not a definitive list. I’d love to hear from others. What would you add?

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com

https://www.barbara-huson.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

Sharing Financial Statements… Sort Of!

Written by Barbara Huson

I sent him my blog the moment it was posted… the one about sharing our financial statements before he moves in. I made him read it while still on the phone. I was nervous for his reaction. After all, I was putting him, and our relationship, in the (kind of) public eye. His response was typical of a man with high self esteem.

“This is great,” he said and meant it.

“So,“ I said taking a deep breath, “Do you want to have The Talk?”

“Sure,” he replied without hesitation. “Let’s do it this weekend.”

Two weekends later, we still haven’t “Talked.” My Man and I are extremely close. We discuss everything, unabashedly. Yet when it comes to money, we keep tip-toeing around the topic.

What we’ve done is have a tepid conversation sprinkled with some tiny revelations. I threw out a vague number about how much I’m worth. He did the same. I mentioned something about diversifying my assets, but being heavy in cash. He, in turn, shared his disciplined approach to making retirement contributions. He even said he’s looking forward to seeing how I’ve invested. But we’ve both been reluctant to reveal specifics. I consider the conversation we had a good starter step. But why haven’t we ‘gone all the way?’

Truthfully, I’m mystified by my avoidance. All I have to do is take my latest financial statement out of the folder, hand it to him, and say “Here it is. Let’s talk,” and there’s no doubt in my mind, he’d do the same, in a heartbeat. But I haven’t.

Reminds me of the letter to Ann Landers from a woman who wanted to ask her boyfriend to help pay for her birth control, but didn’t feel she knew him well enough to ask!

I laughed when I first read that. Sure, it’s scary for most people to talk money. But I never put myself in that category!!! I mean, for the last 12 years I’ve been writing about money, consistently telling women: “It’s our secrecy and silence that keeps us stuck.”

Now, here I am, doing the secrecy-and-silence-thing… and I’m truly shocked. Is it because he’s so resistant? Or is that my projection? Does our mutual reluctance come from our disparity in income? Or is there a lot of old baggage weighing each of us down?

I think it’s time to walk my talk! Stay tuned. As always, your insight and advice is welcomed.

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com

https://www.barbara-huson.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

The Continuing Saga of Sharing Financial Statements – Part I

Written by Barbara Huson

It’s been several weeks since I asked for advice on the ‘right’ time to share financial statements with my boyfriend. Well you gave it to me!! And as a result, I had three big “Aha’s.”

1^st Aha: Clearly this subject touched a nerve. I was astounded by how many of you responded— by email, on my site, and in Facebook.
2^nd Aha: I’m still amazed at my reticence. I sent my boyfriend the blog, which stimulated an interesting discussion… but we have yet to “go all the way” (by sharing our statements).
3^rd Aha: I’m noticing how easy (and apropos) it is to use sexual metaphors when describing money discussions between couples. Hmmmmm… perhaps the subject for another blog?

As for your responses…

First, deep thanks to all who replied!! It was beyond fabulous to realize how many of you could relate to my dilemma.

What I found most fascinating, however, was the vast range of comments. They were all across the board— from one extreme; (“Say nothing!” and “It’s not his concern”), to the other; (“Never hold back anything” and “If you can’t come from a place of profound honesty, you’re not ready to make the commitment”). Several of you suggested drawing up an agreement with our respective lawyers, kind of like a prenuptial for live-ins. And quite a few of you remarked that the conversation about sharing expenses was far more important than sharing financial statements.

Without a doubt, the overwhelming majority were in the “full disclosure” camp, warning me that intimacy requires openness.

My favorite came from author Manisha Thakor, whose new book (due out this December) is aptly titled: Get Financially Naked: How to Talk Money with Your Honey. You gotta’ love that title!!! And it’s hard to argue with her premise.

“If you’re willing to take your clothes off together one way,” Manisha wrote, “you should be prepared to take them off financially speaking as well.” (This gives a lot of credence to my 3^rd aha!)

Her advice: “Go for it. Do the thing that these days is even more intimate than sex — talk about money together. Get the pink elephant of money out into the center of the room and demystify it. Otherwise, like termites eating away at the foundation of your relationship, little nagging doubts or questions about each others finances could end up destroying what is currently a beautiful home life.”

I agree with every word she says. Yet, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t open up and spill the whole can of beans to my boyfriend. Nor could he. But we did take a few baby steps… and I’ll share some of them with you in my next post.

Maybe, by then, I’ll figure out why neither of us were willing to “go all the way” yet.

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com

https://www.barbara-huson.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

Putting Some FUN Into Finances! Part II

Written by Barbara Huson

Join me in the inspiring tale of a woman (I’ll call her Jane) who discovered the stunning power of women joining with other women to take their financial lives higher.

I’ve never met Jane. But recently, she emailed me to say a good friend started an Overcoming Underearning® Book Club, and she became a member. Five women meet monthly, at 7:30am for “OU Power Breakfasts.” The group reads one financial book a month. I am proud to report the first was mine — Overcoming Underearning®. Next was On My Own Two Feet: A Modern Girl’s Guide to Personal Finance by Manisha Thakor and Sharon Kedar.

Here’s how the club works: “We have assignments for our breakfasts, like writing our Contracts with Ourselves and our Wish Lists to share with the group. We also share our successes in the group in person and via email. We often include some variation of “underearning is no longer an option!” in emails!

“I feel AMAZING afterwards. It gives me such a boost throughout the day, knowing that I had done something really great for myself and spent time with supportive, uplifting, inspiring friends before going to work.”
But the group gave Jane more than good feelings. It gave her guts.

“I have a job where I’ve done several extra assignments over the past few years,” she explained, “but have never gotten paid extra for them. I was initially told there was no extra compensation for them and I never asked again. I was happy for the exposure.”

After she turned in her latest extra assignment, however, her supervisor asked Jane to do more revisions. The request followed her first book club. Bolstered by the Power Breakfast, she refused to do more because she wasn’t getting compensated.

Guess what happened?

“My supervisor then said, ‘We can compensate you!’ and within a week all the email approvals had been done to process me getting paid.”

Like most people, she had just assumed a bad economy precluded any extra pay.

“In this climate of cost-cutting I initially did not think that this was going to be possible, but once I verbalized it I realized how much work I had done and that I deserved to get paid, and felt confident that I would. This was a turning point for me in terms of now getting compensated separately for the extra work I do within my company, outside of the responsibilities of my job.”

But the story doesn’t end there. Her credit card debt, once $10,000, “is now under $1,000 and I am very close to paying it off altogether, and when I do I’m going to have a party – I will invite you and if you’re in New York I would love to have you there!”

I’d love to come. There’s nothing more inspiring than being around women empowering other women. If you’ve had any successes with similar groups, I’d love to hear about them!!!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com

https://www.barbara-huson.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

Putting Some FUN into Finances! Part I

Written by Barbara Huson

I remember, back in the 80’s — when I was struggling to understand money — I started an Investment Club.

Every month a group of about 12 friends got together, usually at my house. Someone brought treats, and we’d spend an hour or so discussing stocks… along with girl talk, gossip and romantic updates. It was a great way to put the Fun into finances while doing some serious learning. I really did learn a lot.

However, as I also learned, Investment Clubs can be complicated, time-consuming, and sometimes, contentious. They require co-mingling money, reaching a consensus on stock picking, and a serious time commitment, especially for the officers.

I’ve come to see there’s another— arguably better— way to combine socializing and studying. Financial Book Clubs. What makes them better? These clubs are less work and focus on far more than just investing.

I wrote an earlier blog on this topic… http://barbarastannyblog.com/page/7/ But I just got an email that brought it to mind again. (Emails make such great fodder for blogs!) I was inspired… and I thought you would be too.

In my next post I’ll tell you about; “One woman’s tale of Overcoming Underearning by joining a Financial Book Club”… stay tuned!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com

https://www.barbara-huson.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

Is It Time To Share Financial Statements?

Written by Barbara Huson

I feel like I’m entering new territory here. I’m usually the one answering your questions. But now, I really need YOUR advice. I sincerely mean that. I’ve got a dilemma… and I’m not sure what to do, if anything.

As I vowed last month (http://barbarastannyblog.com/2009/07/17/the-retreat-to-), I am using this blog to be more authentic, especially around money. So here I am… revealing myself and requesting your help.

Here’s the situation. I’ve been dating My Man for a year and a half. We’re talking about moving in together. He’s definitely the love of my life, the person I want to grow old with, perfect for me in so many ways. We don’t want to get married. I’ve already done that twice (he, once), and we see no reason to do it again.

Here’s where I’m struggling. At what point do I have “THE TALK” with my boyfriend? Or do I even need to?

I’m referring to The Money Talk. You know, that point where I show him mine and he shows me his… networth, that is.

My income is decidedly more than his… which makes sense since he was laid off earlier this year and is starting a whole new career. While he’s never been a good saver, he’s a very frugal spender and quite responsible financially, with no credit card debt. Neither one of us have a problem with the fact that I have more money. But neither of us knows how much the other one has.

If we were getting married, it’d be a no-brainer. We’d be baring our bank statements before we ever traded “I-Do’s. ” But does co-habitating, when there’s no co-mingling of money, require the same financial transparency? I figure, if I’m wrestling with this, others must be also.

Talk to me people… this is a tough one for me. I need your feedback!

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com

https://www.barbara-huson.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

Saving Can Be Sexy!

Written by Barbara Huson

The Money/Happiness debate continues. Just today, USAToday http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-08-05-happiness-apa-money_N.htm asked the age old question, yet again: Does money bring happiness? Well, I’m here to resolve this issue, once and for all! (drum roll, please).

Money does NOT make you happier. But poverty doesn’t either. What DOES make you happier?: taking control of your money, instead of allowing your money to control you!

Let me give you an example. Here was a woman (a successful attorney), who for the last three years, felt helpless, hopeless, and (obviously) very unhappy as her life, and her debt, spiraled out of control.

Then, last month, she called me for coaching. We’ve only had 3 sessions so far. And most of our time was spent dealing with her resistance (“I’m NOT going to change my lifestyle,” she told me firmly) and getting her out of denial (“OMG, I’m spending way more than I earn!!”).

Finally, last week, she sprang into action. I share her latest email with you because its proof positive how much happier life can be when you take charge of your finances.

“I have been working diligently to shave my monthly expenses and I am having a blast!” she wrote.

Of course, it wasn’t easy, she admits. “One thing I will say: it’s a lot of work and takes a lot of discipline to save money, and was much easier to stay in debt – which is how the system is designed. But I like the power I feel now much better. Saving money is actually making me feel very sexy, and probably the sexiest thing I have ever done!”

You’ve got to admit—she’s one happy camper!!! How did she do it? With this 7 Step Formula. She:

Opened a savings account: “$10 per month is automatically transferred from checking,”
Cut spending: “I shaved $1400 from my monthly expenses.”
Stopped using cards, even her debit card: “I was using my debit card the way people use their credit cards and it was getting me into trouble. I cut it up.”
Negotiated with creditors: “I am working liking crazy with my credit card companies” to decrease rates.
Created a spending plan: “I figured out how much money I needed this month by category and have gotten out the appropriate amount of cash, put paper clips and sticky notes to each allotted amount, and that is all I can spend.”
Stuck to her budget no matter what, even during a major move: “In the past I would have just gotten out my credit card, charged the move and said I would deal with it later. Now I am planning, looking at all of the expenses and figuring out the best steps and ways to save money.”
Followed the coincidences (which always occur when you start taking charge): “On top of this, I just landed a HUGE new client in Santa Fe, NM – out of the blue, of course.”

Ultimately, this woman created her own happiness by making 2 crucial changes: she changed her behavior along with her attitude.

Getting out of debt, she told me, has become “such a fun game. It’s amazing to see where my money goes! Wow – to be conscious is incredible. Thanks Barbara – I am loving this!”

Don’t YOU want what she’s having??

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com

https://www.barbara-huson.com/inner-circle-join.html

Twitter Barbara at: http://twitter.com/barbarastanny

News & Updates

It’s a miracle!!!

What Are You Afraid Of?

My Man…My Money…and Me

16 Things I Wish I Knew About Money When I Graduated College

Putting Some FUN Into Finances! Part II

Putting Some FUN into Finances! Part I

Is It Time To Share Financial Statements?

Saving Can Be Sexy!

Meet Barbara Huson

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