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Time to Have a Love Affair with Your Money

“It’s amazing what you can do with money!” my daughter said to me the other day.

Her husband, a film maker, is directing a documentary funded by a generous sponsor with very deep pockets. Normally, he’s working on a shoestring. This time, he gets pretty much free rein to do fun things, like travel to far-off places and hire helicopters for various shots.

Yes, it is amazing what you can do with money.  What’s puzzling is why are countless women ignoring their finances?

I’m beginning to think its fear of relationship.

In my mind, money is like a Perfect Lover. All it wants to do is serve you and support you. All it requires, in return, is to be respected and appreciated.

In other words, just like a man, money needs your attention; it needs to feel understood, cared about, and valued. Otherwise, it’s not likely to stick around for the long haul.

As in all relationships, there are good times and bad times.  Right now, it’s one of those bad times for many.  If you’re in that spot, this is not the time to turn your back, throw in the towel or ignore your money. At least not if you want money to be there for your old age.

Now is the time to work on creating more intimacy with your money. Get to know it better. Learn what it needs and how to best care for it. Make sure it feels the love. (The “love of money” is NOT the root of all evil! Deprivation and destitution is.)

Some suggestions for improving your relation$hip:

1.       Talk to a professional. Make an appointment with a financial advisor.  (Try my book Finding a Financial Advisor You Can Trust)

2.       Give it attention. Read something every day about money, even if it’s just a paragraph. (Try the Wall Street Journal)

3.       Talk to others. Ask friends and colleagues who are smart with money for advice

4.       Be wary of hype, rumors and scare tactics. Bad news can be seductive, but it’s usuallyskewed.

I honestly think it’s time we all start having a love affair with our money.  You’ll be amazed at what you’ll be able to do together as a result .

My Last Ditty on Discipline (at least for now)

I wonder if we women aren’t lacking a gene that makes this form of discipline especially difficult.  The final technique,  Strategic thinking, means keeping one eye on your higher purpose without taking the other off the bottom line.

Men seem much savvier at strategic thinking. Women, in their eagerness to give back to  their community or give birth to their dreams, often neglect this critical step.

To  think strategically, you must constantly link your Big Vision to the costs of doing business, connect your mission statement to the profit/loss statement.

One  woman explained it this way: “Connect everything with the numbers. To be a successful business woman, you have to strategize all the time on how to make the numbers work.”

And another,  a business owner  “The secret to a million dollars is continuously reevaluating the expenses to run a lean, mean business.”

And still another: “Once you know where the profit is, it’s just a matter of multiplying how many widgets you need to sell.”

Basically, strategic thinking involves:

  • figuring out the costs to do business
  • cutting losses when something wasn’t working
  • designing effective structures and systems
  • daily strategizing and yearly long term planning

Strategic thinking did not come easily to many of these women.

“This is not my nature,” said a former journalist, “I’m a writer. It was something I had to learn. No matter how passionate you are, you have to have business savvy.”

You can learn to think strategically by reading books, taking classes, talking to others, and/or consulting with professionals in or outside your industry.

I find strategic thinking is best done with others. My advice for tackling this technique– form a Strategic Task Force. Invite people (anywhere from 1 to 10) you trust, respect, and admire. Meet with them regularly to help you stay on track  strategically or  contact them when you need strategic solutions to problematic situations.

Please comment on your experience with strategic thinking.  This is definitely something I want to learn more about!

5 Tips For Earning What You Really Deserve

Want to make more money?  Well, I’ve got the secret.  And I’ll bet it’s not what you think.

It sure wasn’t what I expected when I interviewed hundreds of high earners for my books; Secrets of Six-Figure Women and Overcoming Underearning®. Very few of these highly successful women were driven by money, yet they still demanded to be well compensated because – and here’s the Big Secret – they felt they were worth it.

The good news is that it’s possible for all of us to build up our self worth. Here are some tips for pumping up your self-esteem along with your net worth:

1. Think Big, Then Think Even Bigger

What most of us do is unwittingly limit our earnings by lowering our expectations.  Especially women.  The idea is to think in terms of what you are worth, not just what you assume the market will bear.

2. Do Your Homework

One of the worst negotiating mistakes women make is picking a number out of the air that’s way too low.  The smarter ones find out their market value by researching the going rates, then ask for more than is offered so they’ll have room to maneuver and negotiate.

3.  Take the Initiative

Have tangible evidence of what you bring to the table.  Maybe you saved your company x-amount of dollars or had an idea that generated so many sales. Every time you accept more responsibility, successfully complete a challenge or create positive changes, document it.  Keeping records is an effective means of demonstrating your value to an organization.

4.  Daily Affirmations – Act As If

Affirmations are positive statements expressed as if they’ve already happened.  For example: “I have the confidence to ask for what I want” or
I deserve more money in my life“.   Write them down.  Post them in full view. Say them out loud as often as possible.  When you act as if you’re worth a lot, you’ll eventually convince yourself as well as others.

5.  Challenge yourself in other areas

A stretch in any area of life has a ripple effect in other areas as well.  If you can’t quite get yourself to volunteer for that tough assignment or ask for a raise, try signing up for an art class or running a marathon.  Anything that puts you out of your comfort zone builds confidence and self-worth.

By practicing these tips, you’ll begin to notice a shift in how you feel about yourself.  Making more money becomes not something you should do, but something you have to do – because you know in your heart you’re worth it.

Barbara Stanny

The leading authority on women & money
[email protected]
www.barbarastanny.com

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Want More Money? Try Asking!

“You don’t get what you deserve. You get what you demand.”
–Dianne Bennett, a 7th grade dropout who became six-figure woman.

More than half of the 1000 women polled by Pink Magazine and KPMG in 2006 felt they are not fairly compensated for their work.  But here’s my question. How many of them actually asked for more money? My guess, not many.

A salary offer is not a foregone conclusion. Ninety percent of Human Resource professionals polled expect salaries to be negotiated. Overcoming underearning requires you take a stand, ask for what you want, negotiate until you reach a mutually satisfactory agreement, or walk away where appropriate.

Here’s some suggestions for negotiating effectively.

  • Know what you want. Research the going rates in your field. Ask the high end of the spectrum. You can always negotiate down, but never up.
  • “No” means “not now.”
  • Negotiate salary only after a job offer. Don’t be the first to bring it up. “Make them fall in love with you before talking money.” (Wall Street Journal, 10/29/04)
  • Negotiate more than money: early salary review, signing bonus, relocation costs, profit sharing, flexible schedule, paid time off, benefits, perks, educational programs, expense account, club memberships, bigger office, laptop, cell phone, job title.
  • Act confident (even if you don’t feel it). Communicate with authority. Perceived confidence has a big impact.
  • Request 24 to 72 hours to think over the offer.
  • Always start negotiations on a positive note. For example, thank the employer for the opportunity and make a counter offer.
  • If someone acts put off by a reasonable counter offer, consider it a red flag. Perhaps the employer doesn’t value what you bring to the table.
  • The best time to negotiate, or renegotiate, is when you have other offers.
  • Get the offer in writing.
  • Above all, focus on relationship building. “It’s always harder for someone to say ‘no’ if they know you and like you.” (www.WallStreetJournal.com)
  • Practice negotiating with a friend or in the mirror. Have points prepared, build a case, around your value and what you bring to the company.

5 Tips for Getting Paid What You Really Deserve

I’ve learned a lot from interviewing high earners. But perhaps the most significant lesson was this:

Even though these women were not driven by money, they demanded to be well compensated because-and here’s the Big Lesson- they felt they were worth it.

The problem: women, in general, devalue themselves. These women, however, taught me specific ways to strengthen self esteem. Here are 5 tips for pumping up your self-worth along with your net worth.

  1. Think Big, Then Think Even Bigger5 Tips for Getting Paid What You Really Deserve – What most of us do is unwittingly limit our earnings by lowering our expectations. Especially women. The idea is to think in terms of what you are worth, not just what you assume the market will bear.
  2. Do Your Homework – One of the worst negotiating mistakes women make is picking a number out of the air that’s way too low. The smarter ones find out their market value by researching the going rates, then ask for more than is offered so they’ll have room to maneuver.
  3. Take the Initiative – Have tangible evidence of what you bring to the table. Maybe you saved your company x amount of dollars or had an idea that generated so many sales. Every time you accept more responsibility, successfully complete a challenge or create positive changes, document it. Keeping records is an effective means of demonstrating your value to an organization.
  4. Daily Affirmations -Act As If – Affirmations are positive statements expressed as if they’ve already happened. For example: “I have the confidence to ask for what I want.” “I deserve more money in my life.” Write them down. Post them in full view. Say them out loud as often as possible. When you act as if you’re worth a lot, you’ll eventually convince yourself as well as others.
  5. Challenge yourself in other areas – A stretch in any area of life has a ripple effect in other areas as well. If you can’t quite get yourself to volunteer for that tough assignment or ask for a raise, try signing up for an art class or running a marathon. Anything that puts you out of your comfort zone builds confidence and self-worth.

By practicing these tips, you’ll begin to notice a shift in how you feel about yourself. Making more money becomes not something you should do, but something you have to do-because you know in your heart you’re worth it.

If you have other suggestions, I’d love to hear them.

The Secret of SHE

I just got an enthusiastic email from a client: “I feel as if I have discovered from you a magic secret of life that nobody else on the planet knows about.”

OK, she may be exaggerating…a bit. But in truth, what she learned IS one of the most powerful, and best kept secret among Successful High Earners (SHEs). It’s also the biggest show-stopper for underearners.

The secret– so utterly simple, yet so profoundly difficult—goes like this: “When you commit to a goal, you don’t have to know how you’ll achieve it. You just need to do what comes next.”

I learned this from my interviews with SHEs. To paraphrase a famous quote, they’d set a goal, jump off the cliff, and build wings on the way down. Conversely, Underearners think they must have a full-blown plan all figured out before they’ll even allow themselves to consider taking a leap.

Here’s a typical conversation (from an actual email):The Secret of SHE

Woman: “When you say we ‘don’t have to figure it all out,’ does that mean I don’t have to figure out exactly how I am going to make the money I want to make?”

Me: “Yep. “

Woman: “Hmmm, that goes against my business school training that taught you have to make a business plan, a marketing plan to achieve your revenue goals.”

She’s right. The secret runs counter to society’s teachings. But the most successful high earners taught me otherwise.

The lesson I learned from them: The HOW is NOT important. I repeat, the HOW is NOT important. What matters most is your degree of commitment.

Here’s how the secret works. Commitments are like magnets. They draw opportunities to you, often disguised as coincidences. You turn on the news, step on the bus, bump into a friend, hear the phone ring, and from absolutely nowhere, someone or something shows up that’s just what you need.

(Warning: If synchronicities aren’t forthcoming, revisit you commitment. There’s a direct correlation between fierceness of commitment and frequency of coincidences.)

That’s how the secret works. Once you commit to a goal and get out of your own way, it’s mind boggling what can happen. Try it, and tell me your results.

Good News about Women and Power…It’s Fun!

You can’t imagine how much I’m learning from my interviews with women making millions. These conversations have been about far more than money.

These women are showing me a new, distinctly feminine paradigm of power.Good News about Women and Power…It’s Fun!

These women are creating wealth and wielding clout on their own terms, in a decidedly womanly way.

These women have figured out how to ‘play with the big boys’, make the big bucks, all without pursuing the top-down, male-model of control, domination, and self aggrandizement.

These feminine pioneers of power are achieving extraordinary success, based on qualities that come naturally to women—partnering, nurturing, collaborating, empowering, helping others—and working toward goals that genuinely inspire them. Instead of playing like a man, they realized that they could change the rules to correspond to their values.

The late NY Congresswoman Bella Abzug, once said, “In the twenty-first century, women will change the nature of power rather than power changing the nature of women.” That’s precisely what’s happening.

“Men see power as an end. Power exists to have power”, explained Kaye Fittes, in an article on internet site Nightengale.com. “For women, power is a means to an end. To embrace power, women must see what good can come out of it.”

In other words, while men covet the cachet of the corner office, women crave the chance to make a difference.

That distinction is critical. The women I interviewed recognized that making millions was not an end, but a means, a tool for creating the life they wanted to live, becoming all they were meant to be, and making a difference in areas they deeply cared about. For them, the goal wasn’t to rival Bill Gates, but to build their own creative muscles and, in turn, benefit others, in the most meaningful, authentic, and lucrative way they can.

During our interview, Cynthia Good, co- founder of Pink Magazine, herself a woman making millions, beautifully described this phenomenon. “I have a visual of business women as race horses lined up behind the gates, ready to take off, and not just take off, but do it on their own terms by being fully themselves. That is the big difference, and that is why they want to take off, because for the first time, it’s fun because we can be who we are.”

Are you having fun yet???

Seven Things Smart Women Know About Money

woman on stairs1. Smart women think beyond being a wage earner and dollar watcher to become a wealth builder. Wealth has nothing to do with what you make. Wealth comes from what you do with what you have. You create wealth by investing in assets that will grow faster than inflation and taxes take it away.

2. Smart women don’t wait until they have a lot of money to begin. Wealth begins with as little as $25 to $50 a month. (If you simply put $2.00 aside every day, you’d have saved more than $60 at the end of each month). Through the “magic” of compounding, small sums grow into a sizable portfolio.

3. Smart women don’t wait for a crisis to get started. A crisis is the worst time to start anything. You can’t think straight. You tend to make terrible decisions, sink into paralysis, and leave yourself wide open to financial losses. Instead, make a conscious choice to become smart with money.

4. Smart women know with total conviction they must do it themselves. Dispelling the myth that “someday my prince will come” is the most important financial decision you will ever make. Prince Charming need not be a man, or even a person. Our “prince” could be an insurance settlement or the lottery, anything we fantasize will save us financially.

5 Smart women talk to others about money. You can learn so much from another’s mistakes and draw inspiration from their successes. You can use others as sounding boards, role models, and sources of encouragement, advice, and information. Why not start a financial book club or discussion group?

6. Smart women deal with their unconscious attitudes to avoid sabotaging success. If you find yourself fogging up or spacing out, if you can’t seem to apply the information you learn, or resist learning it in the first place, then chances are, psychological factors are impeding your progress. Once you identify your internal blocks, success can occur spontaneously, almost effortlessly.

7. Smart women understand risk makes her wealthy. Risk in the market refers to volatility and volatility refers to price swings. The more a stock moves up and down, the riskier it is. But those fluctuations only matter when you sell your holdings. The longer your time horizon, the less important those ups and downs are. If you’ve got say 10 years, those daily fluctuations are irrelevant.

When She Makes More Than He…

Heart in the cold snowA recent NY Times article has created a lot of buzz. Young women, working in major cities, are surging way ahead of men in terms of earnings. This is a great news for a gender that’s long been on the short end of the income stick.

Still, this trend is bound to play havoc in some relationships. For centuries, men’s self esteem has been heavily linked to their financial success…just as women’s sense of femininity has been connected to being taken care of. Sure times have changed radically…but some egos are having trouble making the transition.

And it’s not just men who are having a hard time…women are too. I’ve talked with a lot of women, ambitious as they are, who secretly resent their husband’s inability to bring in the big bucks.

Jean Chatsky wrote a terrific article on keeping your relationship intact when your man earns less. She offers 5 tips:

  1. Talk and listen
  2. Be his biggest cheerleader
  3. Open yours, mine, and ours accounts
  4. Focus on the endgame (i.e. your dreams and goals)
  5. Recognize that marriage changes things

Excellent advice. Of the 5, I believe #1 is the critical piece. Especially the listening part. We all know it’s important to communicate. But fearful people can be vicious. Not because they’re mean-spirited, but because they’re scared. Make no mistake—role reversal can be scary because it threatens the status quo.

Successful communication means allowing anger, even rage, to be expressed…without taking it personally. It requires the willingness to tell your truth, blow off steam, express your fear and anger without the other person getting defensive, but listening with compassion and nonjudgement. Not easy, by any means.

I’d love to hear from those of you who have had these kind of discussions…what’s worked and what hasn’t??

Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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