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The Absurdity of Arbitrary Deadlines

Written by Barbara Huson

“Want to make God laugh? Tell Her your plans”–anonymous

 

There are no accidents, right? Yesterday, I had the same conversation with 3 different people within 24 hours.

They all had a common theme: the absurdity of arbitrary deadlines.

The first was with a friend freaking out over a speech he had to write for Toastmasters. This happened every time he tried to write one. It was making his life miserable. But he refused to quit because, he declared, “I promised myself I’d stick it out for a full year.”

The second was with another friend also freaking out over a coaching program she was dying to do but couldn’t afford. She insisted she had to do it now.  “If I don’t figure out this year what I’m really supposed to be doing,” she exclaimed, “I know I’ll never do it.” Did I mention she is 29 years old?

The third was with a first-time writer who’d given herself a year to complete a novel. The date was fast approaching but health problems kept interfering. Instead of cutting herself some slack, she sank into depression. “I feel like a failure,” she kept saying.

In their words, I saw the self inflicted craziness of my own making.

A while back, I gave myself a similar directive —finish my book proposal by the end of the year. Two years later, it’s nowhere close to completion. I’ve been beating myself up—unmercifully—ever since.

(Warning: Self flagellation does not further the creative process!)

Don’t get me wrong. Deadlines are a useful tool to keep us on track.

The trouble comes when we don’t meet them. Rather than rethinking the timing, we tenaciously cling to our commitment or brutally reproach ourselves for screwing up.

What if I started seeing things differently? Perhaps there’s a reason I’ve not finished my proposal. Perhaps the timing will turn out to be perfect. Only in hind sight can I possibly know what’s actually in my own best interest.

As today’s Abraham Hicks quote reminded me (no accident again!), “Life is supposed to be fun…If you are doing it for any other reason, then you are not connecting to your Source Energy.”

There and then, I made a decision.

From now on, if I’m feeling stuck, if doors stay closed, if nothing flows freely and it ceases to be fun, I’m viewing these as indicators that  it’s time to surrender rather than doggedly pursuing a rigid decision.

It all boils down to this: Would I rather live with the tranquility of trusting a Higher Source or tolerate the stress of self-imposed pressure? Duh!!!

The Gift of Pneumonia

Written by Barbara Huson

Let me fill you in on what’s been happening since my last blog.

I’ve been practicing the principles of Sacred Success®.  And let me tell you, it’s made a huge difference in my life.

Take for example, how my year began…with a nasty case of Pneumonia that wouldn’t respond to antibiotics.

I had just hired a highly skilled team. We set a series of deadlines….none of which I’d be able to meet.

BSS (Before Sacred Success®), I would’ve gone into a tizzy of ‘why me,’ bemoaning my bad luck, angry over the distractions, feeling like a looser

But instead of cursing the circumstances, I looked through the lens of Sacred Success®.

What I saw:  it was time to Surrender.  I knew Surrender was critical to Sacred Success®. But, hey,  I already did it (see Sweet ? Surrender).

However, as I was learning, Surrender  is not a one (or two) time event, but an ongoing occurrence.

Sacred Success® is an intricate dance of moving forward in Disciplined Action, then stepping back in Receptive Surrender.  The signs indicating when to change steps are subtle at first. Clearly I wasn’t paying attention.

Pneumonia forced me to cancel everything.    And, as Sacred Success® insists,  I did so without judgment.

In Sacred Success®, nothing is ‘bad’ or ‘good’; ‘positive’ or  ‘negative.’  Everything  that happens is a source of information regarding our next step.

As I began mining the pneumonia for the message it had for me,  I quickly stumbled on the Mother Lode.

“I’m actually enjoying doing what I never let myself do…stay in bed,” I wrote in my journal.

Here’s what was amazing.  Even while bed ridden, I was still quite productive. I designed a new course, reworked copy on my website, had some fabulous conversations, attracted several amazing opportunities, took on new coaching clients. All in my pjs, punctuated with long periods of rest, happy as can be.

Then I realized what happened:  As soon as  I created my team, I slipped into busyness. It’s what I always do when I get focused.

Unconsciously, I’ve just assumed building a business meant crammed calendars, constant motion, lack of freedom, pressure to produce. No wonder, at some point, I always burned out…or lost interest.

But, I wondered, how do you play full out without going into over-drive?

My Pneumonia gave me another option and the permission to pursue it.  The message: It’s ok to be still, to block out lots of  unstructured time. It’s good for my creativity!

Guess what happened when I shared this finding with each member of my team, asking for their support in preserving my downtime?  My health began to improve.

Believe me, it hasn’t been easy. Maintaining blank space goes against my very nature, like a shark whose internal sonar system won’t let it stop swimming.

But this time, I want to be productive from a state of rest and peace, not from intensity and frenzy.

I’ll keep you posted on how it’s working!

To the 99% Who are Pissed Off!

Written by Barbara Huson

Dear Occupy Wall Street protester,

I share your frustration. And I agree with your premise: economic inequality, Wall Street excess and corporate greed are appalling and unacceptable.

Might I make a suggestion? Maybe there’s a more potent way to produce change.

What if you took at least a portion of your fury and redirected it toward  the only place real change can ever occur, the only place you truly have power…yourself.

What if you focused some of your energy into becoming part of the top 1% yourself…then  change the system as an insider? In other words, become the change you want to make.

Don’t you ever wonder why the rich keep getting richer? Doesn’t it seem curious that no matter how bad the economy, there are still people prospering?

  • Despite the financial crisis, the number of millionaires in the United States rose a whopping 16 percent to 7.8 million in 2009.
  • The top 10 percent of Americans now earn around 50 percent of our national income.

Admittedly luck plays a part. But based on my research, I found 2 other factors, just as important, and far more in our control.

When I studied women whose net worth grew substantially, I discovered they followed a 2 prong process–the Outer Work and the Inner Work of Wealth.

I’m not saying it’s easy…or without challenges. But from experience, I know it’s possible. As I learned firsthand, financial success is much more in our control that we realize.

Besides, what do you have to lose? I mean, it’s worth a try.  Here’s what you do:

The Outer Work of Wealth—be vigilant in following the 4 Rules of Money

  1. Spend Less. Never spend more than you earn. Stop using credit cards.  Start repaying your debt.
  2. Save More. Pay yourself first. Sock away enough to cover unexpected emergencies, a half year of living expenses, and some fun stuff like a vacation or new pair of shoes.
  3. Invest Wisely. At least part of your money must be in assets that will grow faster than inflation and taxes. Educate yourself so you make investing decisions from knowledge, not fear, ignorance, or habit.
  4. Give Generously. But only after you’ve built a solid financial foundation. Otherwise you’ll jeopardize your future security, and diminish the impact you can make with your money

The Inner Work of Wealth—explore your attitudes, beliefs, decisions you’ve made about yourself and money that may be keeping you stuck in the 99%. I’ve got a ton of resources on my website.

Please, don’t stop the protests. But as Gloria Steinem put it: the revolution must start from within.

 

Yikes! I Can’t Possibly Take Time OFF!!!

Written by Barbara Huson

“There is no need to learn through pain” ~~A Course in Miracles

 

I wonder how many of you are craving some down time, a chance to step off the treadmill, but just can’t seem to swing it?

That’s where I was 2 years ago.

I remember saying to my guy, with a heavy sigh: “I wish I could take the next month off.”

“Why don’t you?” he responded.

I gasped! How could I possibly do that? I had all these “important” things to do!! Taking time off was unthinkable.

Then it hit me. I’d been interviewing women who made millions (my next goal) and saw something I never expected.

Right before these women soared, each one sank into a period of nothing happening, a time between, a void, often as a result of a crisis, like a devastating illness or painful loss.

These time-outs served an essential role in their eventual triumphs because they used them, as one woman put it, ‘to regroup and come back stronger.”

At that moment, I decided I wasn’t going to wait for a crisis. I could choose to step off the grid…by design, not default.

I invite you to do the same. Especially if you’ve had this nagging sense you need some down time.

I took 4 days off, going to a nearby hotel where I spent the entire time in self reflection.  It was during this time I discovered Sacred Success®.

Believe me, I had no idea a whole new body of work was living inside me, waiting for me to slow down and tune in.

Maybe it’s time for you to slow down and tune in too. That’s why I created a Sacred Success® Retreat, as a way to give women a structured  time out to go within.

If you can only take a day off, or even a few hours, that will work too. And you don’t need to go anywhere.

The whole idea is to eliminate distractions, do only what’s essential, connect with your inner wisdom and listen to what it has to say. (For more info, read my blog: The Beginner’s Guide to Surrender.)

You might be surprised with what you discover.  If you’d like to share, I’m all ears!

 

Greatness or Mediocrity? A Matter of Mindset.

Written by Barbara Huson

Mediocrity sees difficulty in every opportunity. Greatness sees opportunity in every difficulty. (paraphrasing Winston Churchill)

Since September, I’ve kept in touch with the graduates of my last Sacred Success® Retreat.  Part of the curriculum is a year-long follow up.

You know what their primary challenge has been? (Mine too.) Not getting sucked into the Mainstream Mentality,   the way “Everybody” thinks, responds, and sees the world.

Sacred Success requires a radically different mindset…because it has a radically different goal.  Mainstream is heading for Mediocrity. Sacred Success is going for Greatness.

One of the biggest differences is how each camp views difficulties.

To the masses, problems are at best annoying distractions, if not dreadful disasters, setbacks to surmount as quickly as possible.

In Sacred Success, however, all problems are considered pathways to Greatness, pointing the way to pursuing your purpose.

Instead of struggling to overcome the obstacles, Sacred Success surrenders to every situation, looking for the lessons embedded in the circumstances.

Maintaining that perspective, however, isn’t easy. The mass mentality has an insidiously intense pull that’s always at play. You need a lot of support not to succumb.

If you’re ready to play bigger than ever before… If you’re ready to be supported by a community of like-minded women…If you’re ready to experience what Maria DeCarvalho did

“I left the retreat with a much clearer vision of what is possible for me.  My time with Barbara has helped me recognize doors where I thought there were only walls.”

…then, my friend, you are ready for Sacred Success.

If you’re ready to find doors where there now seem only walls, join me for one of my Sacred Success Retreats. I hold one on the east coast and one on the west coast every year.   Learn more here!

The Flu, the Farm, and a Metafiscal Lesson

Written by Barbara Huson

“Wanna make God laugh? Tell Her your plans”–anonymous

 

I haven’t blogged for 2 weeks. Hell, I haven’t done anything for 2 weeks. Except see the doctor. Who told me I had the flu…and to stay in bed.

What?? Stay in bed???  I had important things to do!!!  I had a teleclass coming up. A retreat to market.  A speech to write. An interview scheduled. Clients to coach.  I had no time for the damn flu!!!

Yet here I am, still in bed, bemoaning my fate, but too weak to do anything.

Then my mind traveled back to my last visit with my daughter, the farmer, just last month.

The week I was there, the seedlings that Anna and others had started were sprouting. It was time to plant them in the fields.  The baby chicks were now mature hens. It was time to move them to bigger quarters.

But nature had other plans. It poured. And rain was forecast for the next few days.

You can’t plant when it rains, Anna explained, because the wet fields are too fragile.  And the ground was too wet to drive the truck to the other henhouse.

Here they were, all geared up to do both. I watched in awe at what happened next. No one got uptight. No one cursed nature.  No teeth were mashing or hands wringing.

Instead, the farm owner shrugged his shoulders, and said: “Enjoy the down time.”  (What a concept!)

We found other things to do. (I say ‘we’ because, by then, I’d been recruited into the workforce.) We cleaned the eggs. We did outreach.  One woman made a delicious apple crisp. Another couple worked on a brochure. We had a scrumptious stir-fry, loaded with freshly picked veggies.

What really struck me: everyone seemed grounded in a deep sense of faith–a  respect for nature’s  timing,  a deference to forces out of their control, a trust in a higher order–that  was so strong, they were able to dispense with their plans, embrace the delays, go with the flow and enjoy the whole process….with nary a complaint.

As I remembered this scene, I immediately saw the lesson.

Instead of fighting the current, why don’t I just kick back and relish the ride…even if it feels like I’m going nowhere?

I’ve written so much about surrender in this blog (Sweet Surrender) I guess I thought it was a onetime event. But I’m beginning to see…. the Universe has its own sense of timing. Instead of trying to out-control the cosmos, I’m going to lie back, let life unfold, delight in the downtime and do what comes next. In this case, I think I’ll write a blog!

5 Words Say it All…

Written by Barbara Huson

I’m flipping through the Wall Street Journal, when 5 words practically slap me in the face. I’ve no idea what the article was about. But the phrase super-glued itself to my brain.

“The Survival of the Focused…”

Those 5 words sum up the Big Secret to mega financial success.

Those 5 words mark the major distinction between an Underearner and a High Earner.

Those 5 words capture the very essence of what it takes to achieve Greatness.

And for anyone who’s struggling to make ends meet, or live their dream, I say heed those 5 words.

I’m convinced these 5 words offer the key to not just surviving, but thriving, in this new economic paradigm.

This may sound weird, but I’ve always considered myself blessed with an unfair advantage. I’m only good at and enjoy doing 2 things: writing and teaching. Period! I understand why so many with far more skills than I often feel stymied.

Focusing can be very frustrating for the multi-faceted or multi-gifted. But if you want my advice–prioritize your passions. No matter how many interests, talents, opportunities, or possibilities are available to you, financial success will go to the focused.

Do you agree? I’d love to hear what you have to say. Please leave me a comment below!

Anyone Understand ‘Financialese’?

Written by Barbara Huson

Have you ever met with a financial advisor, and wished you had a translator?  My sister and I, spouses too, have spent the past few months interviewing various advisors for some family trusts.

Nice people, all of them. But once they got started talking, they were suddenly speaking a foreign tongue.

I thought I knew this tongue. I really did. I’ve written 5 books about money. I even wrote one on Finding a Financial Advisor You Can Trust.

But these folks, at various points in the discussion,  had my head reeling.

At first, I was a bit embarrassed. I mean, I should know this stuff, right?

Then it hit me. No wonder so many women aren’t getting the financial help they need. One conversation with an advisor and their heads are reeling too. And most of them just want to put their reeling heads right back in the sand.

Consider this blog (in part) a Plea to Professionals. C’mon, you guys. Speak in plain English. And then check in with clients at frequent intervals to make sure they’re tracking.

But, truth is, I don’t hold out much hope.

And the truth is the onus is on us. I am a Big Believer in working with professionals…be it for a root canal  or retirement planning.  And sometimes the latter can be as painful as the former! But it doesn’t need to be.

Not if we’re willing to speak up,  ask for clarification, and keep asking until we understand.

It all boils down to this. If  you don’t understand  ‘Financialese,’ it doesn’t mean you’re stupid.  It’s simply a sign to ask more questions.  The payoff is clarity. But, I’m here to tell you, the real reward is how powerful you’ll feel for standing up for yourself.

Can you relate to this post? You can tell me about your conversations with a financial advisor by leaving a comment below.

STOPPING The Oh-So-Subtle Self–Sabotage

Written by Barbara Huson

In my previous post, I played true confessions.  I fessed up that, years ago, I constantly put myself down…without really knowing it!

I have a hunch many of you do the same.  And believe me, self depreciation is a subtle but serious form of self sabotage.

I’d like to share what I did to stop. It wasn’t easy. I’m far from perfect. But success is so much easier since I curtailed my self-criticism and began acknowledging my value.

Here’s my 3-point plan to Stop Self Criticism—Observe; Brag; Find Spotters.

  1. I started by observing my conversations. Every time I heard me belittling myself, I stopped. Literally stopped, mid-sentence, and force myself to say something positive…even if it was just ‘thank you.’
  2. I started bragging (thanks to Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts). I mean, I actually prefaced sentences with “I brag…” and then tooted my own horn.
  3. I shared my goal with a few close friends, asking  them to spot me by pointing out my more subtle put-downs. They had no trouble catching me in the act.  Their feedback was quite effective.

Admittedly, these steps, at first, felt ridiculously uncomfortable, completely awkward. But gradually, I began to notice something.  My self-derision all but disappeared. And I felt much better about myself.

I’m here to say, I swear it’s true–what you share, you definitely strengthen. Please leave a comment below on how these steps support you in achieving greatness.

The Talk!

Written by Barbara Huson

I think it’s time we have The Talk. Don’t you? You know, the one about the Legacy you wish to leave. It’s a subject that deserves serious thought.

Leaving a Legacy is how you achieve Greatness. It goes right to the core of why you’re here and the mark you wish to make on the world you leave behind.

Some of you know exactly what it is. Mine, of course, is that there are a lot more financially empowered women running this country as a result of my work. And a lot fewer abused women who can’t afford to leave their abuser.

But many of you may be scratching your heads, wondering, ‘huh, what’s mine?’

Your legacy doesn’t need to light up the sky. It could be the tiniest footprint in the sand. All that matters: your legacy reflects your purpose fulfilled.

Need help? Try this exercise.

Imagine that it’s far in the future. You are lying on your deathbed. You’ve lead a long and meaningful life, but it’s now drawing to a close. As you lie there, you begin to review your past. What gave you the most satisfaction, outside of your family, to know this is what you’ll be remembered for? It need not be limited to one thing, either.

Once you pinpoint what it is, come back to this moment. Then ask yourself: What can I do right now that will contribute to the legacy I wish to leave?

Please share below by leaving a comment…I can’t wait to hear your insights.

Meet Barbara Huson

When a devastating financial crisis rocked her world, Barbara Huson knew she had to get smart about money… and she did. Now, she wants to empower every women to take charge of their money and take charge of their lives! She’s doing just that with her best-selling books, life changing retreats and private financial coaching.

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