It’s Never Success That Scares You!! Never!

Written by Barbara Huson

She sat across the table, looking every bit the savvy businesswoman that she was.

As we chatted over kale salads, she told me how her company, not yet two years old, was growing exponentially.

Then she lowered her voice and leaned in close. “There’s something I need to talk about. I’ve never shared this with anyone.”

“What is it?” I asked, also leaning forward, our foreheads almost touching. I could tell this was difficult for her.

“I’m afraid of success. I can already see little ways I’m holding myself back.”

“Tell me what you’re scared of.”

“I’m afraid people won’t like me,” she began slowly, then quickly added, “I’m afraid people will want more of me than I can give them. I’m so busy now, I’m afraid I’ll have no time for myself. I’m scared it will all be too much.”

“You’re not afraid of success,” I responded. “You’re afraid of power. There’s a definite difference.”

I share this conversation with you because I believe it reveals a critical distinction that we women need to understand. Let me explain.

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It’s NOT about Money!

Written by Barbara Huson

The Bag Lady Syndrome is alive and well. In the latest Allianz Women, Money, and Power Study (2013), almost half the women polled are scared of becoming a bag lady –even those earning more than $200,000 per year. Why do so many bright, capable, and…yes…successful women continue to struggle with financial insecurity? Why do you?

The answer, I believe, has nothing to do with money…and everything to do with our fear of (or ambivalence about) power.

Phyllis Chesler wrote in her groundbreaking book, Women, Money, and Power: “Money is a power sacred to most men and foreign to most women.” These words written over 30 years ago, still hold true today.

The problem, as I see it, is this: We’ve never been taught the secret wisdom of creating wealth and exercising power, as women. Studies reveal that the sexes view money and power through very different lenses.

Generally speaking, a man’s self-esteem comes from his achievements; power itself is the ultimate goal. A woman derives self esteem from relationships; power is a means to an end.

So while men covet the cachet of the corner office, women crave the opportunity to help others, grow personally, and live authentically.

The word ‘power,’ which comes from the Latin word, potere (‘to be able’) means the “ability to act or produce an effect.” The definition applies to both genders.

But as it relates to women, I much prefer to define power using the words of psychologist Eric Fromm: “The main task in life is to give birth to our self to become what we actually are.”

When you view power from that perspective, you begin to understand our resistance more clearly. Essentially, our fear of power is our fear of becoming who we really are, doing what we were put here to do, in the biggest way possible.

This fear keeps us settling for less instead of asking for more, shrinking to fit rather than playing full out, clinging to safety to avoid taking the leap.

This is precisely the reason I developed my new body of work, Sacred Success®. Rather than pushing women to pursue power in traditional fashion, Sacred Success® seeks to redefine power from a feminine perspective.

I’ll be exploring this whole issue of women and power in future blogs. Meanwhile, I’d love your feedback: How would you redefine power? Or would you?

Coming Out of The Closet…Yikes!

Written by Barbara Huson

As a writer, I’ve been torn by conflicting goals. A big part of me wants everyone’s approval. Another part yearns to speak my truth. To me, the two have been mutually exclusive.

Ever since the 80’s, when I began writing a weekly column in the San Francisco Business Journal that was syndicated in over 30 large newspapers, I’ve always couched my unconventional views in acceptable verbiage.

Slowly, over time, I’ve been dipping my toes in the waters of transparency, outing myself a little bit at a time.

But, I finally did it! I swung the door open and stepped out of the closest…almost all the way! I wrote about Sacred Success® in the traditional media, on Forbes.com. (Women, Wealth, and Power: The Emerging Paradigm)

Sure, I’ve talked about Sacred Success® on my website, in my Money Monday Calls, and various social media.

But you’re my peeps. You’re safe. I’ve never discussed it in such a public forum, with a much larger audience, many I suspect to be very conservative.

The response has been overwhelming. The article has been shared more times online, generated more email, than anything I’ve ever written.

In the article, I describe The Feminine Face of Financial Success…how women today are playing a very different game than the world (read: men) models…a game I call Sacred Success®.

Men are very driven by profit, perks, and prestige. Not women. Once a woman is financially secure, she’s rarely motivated by money. What drives her is an added spiritual component, a deep commitment to a higher purpose—how she can achieve Greatness by helping others, while still being richly rewarded.

I suspect the few men who responded didn’t quite get the point. But the women…oh the women loved it. In exposing myself, I gave them permission to do the same!!

“It warms my heart to think about all the other women who, like me, want to make a difference while leading a healthy and wealthy life,” wrote one woman, echoing the sentiment of many.

If this idea warms your heart as well, if you desire to find other women who feel the same, I invite you to consider attending one of my Sacred Success® Retreats. I hold two retreats each year—one on the east coast and one on the west coast.

In this 4 day Retreat, I gather a small group of decidedly committed women, teach you the Feminine Formula for Financial Success and create a community that imbues each other with a deep sense of mission, a plan of action for wildly succeeding,and follow up support for at least a year.

It’s far more than a seminar. It’s a ground breaking paradigm shift. Will you join me?

What’s Really at the Root of the Financial Crisis?

Written by Barbara Huson

“In the 21^st century, women will change the nature of power rather than power changing the nature of women.”

—Bell Abzug

The headline of a recent article in Bloomberg Business Week caught my eye: “ Is the Financial Crisis a Male Syndrome?”

“Could it be,“ the authors ask, “ that male domination of market finance results in excessive speculation and risk-taking at the expense of global stability?”

Ya think?? Clearly, the guys have been calling the shots. No surprise there.

What surprised me most—the co-authors were both men!

I was heartened to know there are a few enlightened men (including the Dali Lama) who are waking up to an obvious truth.

Excessive testosterone is running the world, which as these authors admit, leads to greater aggression and risk taking (ie. Global wars and financial crisis)

The solution? “Gender rebalancing.” With more women in power, the authors insist, we’d see enhanced risk management , less volatility, improved financial markets and better ambiance in the office.

No argument from me! But here’s what I want to know.

Who’s going to do the rebalancing? What’s it going to take to get more women in power?

I ask this question with a sense of urgency…but without a clear answer.

Face it, no one is going to do it for us. If we want a seat at the table, it’s our job to take it.

How? We can begin by having the conversation among ourselves. We can begin by becoming the change we want to see in the world. Call it a grassroots effort…a personal challenge.

What if each one of us starts by noticing where, in our own life, we are giving our power away and consciously strive to take it back? What if each one of us starts speaking up, making sure our voice is heard…and respected? What if every one of us asks for and offers to help each other in this endeavor?

I truly believe, if enough women step fully into their own power, we’d see a giant ripple effect on the global landscape.

What do you think?

My Anger at Men

Written by Barbara Huson

The sign of the headquarters of the National A... — Image via Wikipedia

“Insecure people can be vicious.”—A Course in Miracles

What began as an angry outburst ended with a stunning revelation.

My Man and I were watching Law & Order on TV. There was one scene where 4 female detectives were chasing down the bad guys, about to solve the case.

And My Man, who is utterly supportive of me, says: “Hey, how come it’s all women on screen? Are there any men in this show?”

I was aghast. “I don’t believe you just said that,” I exclaimed, smoke coming out my nostrils.

Was My Man a closet chauvinist? He clearly didn’t like watching all these women in power. I had never seen this side of him before.

I was pissed. He had no idea why.

I tried to explain his comment was yet another example of women being marginalized, minimized by men. Something I’ve lived with my whole life. Something I’ve been working so hard to change. Something that’s caused me a lot of pain.

He fell silent for a few minutes, quietly pondering his reaction. I never expected what he said next. I know, for a fact, he didn’t either.

“I don’t have a problem with powerful women,” he explained softly. “The problem is that if women get too much power, men will have too little. Then there’s no place left for a man to be a man.”

We were both quiet for a bit (stunned may be the better word), then he continued. “I’m afraid if it’s not a man’s world, I’ll be playing the previous role women had, a diminished role. I don’t want to be in a diminished role.”

At that moment, I felt My Man could be speaking for millions of others. Behind his dismissive remark was a deep insecurity, albeit unconscious.

Suddenly my anger at chauvinism morphed into compassion for males. How many other men are threatened by powerful women, as if there’s only so much power to go around?

Believe me, I’m not making excuses for misogyny or gender discrimination. But this little tiff got me thinking.

I’ve been so focused on empowering women. Perhaps it’s time to educate our men. Clearly, they’re as afraid of our power as we are.

Men need to know we’re not seeking domination. That’s not how we work. We genuinely want partnership. We want to share power, not usurp it.

I’ll tell you one thing…my little outburst has led to some fascinating discussions. I’d love your comments. Have you ever had a similar experience with men in your life?

Somebody’s Got To Say No!!!

Written by Barbara Huson

Put me on record for saying NO!

NO to the way the “Old Boys” are playing! No to the mess they got us in (and not just in the financial sector).

But I’m also saying “YES!” (No point dwelling on the downside.)

YES to the other game I learned from interviewing women making millions. These women achieved mega success playing a very different game from what the world (read: men) models.

It’s the game I’ve come to call Scared Success™. It’s the game we women (and many enlightened men) were born to play!

What breaks my heart, however, is that too many of us futilely struggle to follow the old rules, without realizing we have another option.

Briefly, here’s 6 differences between the Male Model and the Feminine Formula (which is the basis for Scared Success™ ).

Male Model Feminine Formula

1. Pursue Profit for Profit’s sake	1. Pursue Profit for a Higher Purpose
2. Push Yourself (and Everyone Else)	2. Respect Yourself (and Everyone Else)
3. Plan and Control	3. Surrender, Allow Uncertainty
4. Display Entitlement	4. Exercise Mental Discipline
5. Create Teams, Control Them	5. Create Teams, Inspire Them
6. Leave a Personal Monument to Your Name	6. Leave a Legacy for the World

In my next blog, I’ll give you the specific ground rules for applying the Feminine Formula to the new game Scared Success™ . Meanwhile, I’m really curious what you think about these differences. Please comment below.

Women, Money, Power…Oh My!!!

Written by Barbara Huson

“We are still trying to overcome the fear that power and womanliness

are mutually exclusive.” Arianna Huffington

Q. Why do so many women have trouble with money? (Hint: it has nothing to do with money.)

A. It’s about power…or rather, our fear of power.

Here’s the problem. Most of us have never been taught the secret wisdom of achieving wealth and wielding power, as a woman. In fact, historically, women have been carefully conditioned to avoid power as a survival mechanism. As a psychologist once told me: “Powerful women have been burned at the stake.”

Admittedly, many women have attained economic success in the male system, but it usually came at an appalling price. In 2003, New York Times reporter Lisa Belkin sparked a media frenzy when she coined the phrase “the opt-out revolution” to describe the flood of women exiting the workforce. They were no longer willing to stay in a system that rewarded the sacrifice of self for the sake of success.

But what the media defined as women opting out, I believe was, in large part, women waking up. They were beginning to question the status quo, realizing there must be a way to stay true to themselves and still be well compensated, without selling their souls or sacrificing their values.

For centuries women have come together to trade recipes and remedies, share tips on catching a man or raising a child—but there is little, if any, collective wisdom for wealth and power.

4 years ago, I began interviewing Mega Earners, women worth millions. What I learned changed my life. These women were playing a very different game than the one society models, with very different rules. I call this game Sacred Success™. And I’m determined to teach this game to as many women as I can.

Consider this blog my personal invitation to join me for one of my Sacred Success Retreats. The Retreats are meant to be part of an ongoing tradition of women sharing their wisdom, with a new breed of role models who’ve achieved unprecedented success on their own terms, in a very different way than men have been doing it for centuries.

Won’t you join me? Click here for more information or to register.

Metafiscal Goes Mainstream (OMG!)

Written by Barbara Huson

Well, I’ll be darn. Is the Wall Street Journal turning Metafiscal?

I open last Saturday’s Journal and there it was… a half page article waxing Metafiscal. Of course, it didn’t use that term. But it certainly preached a major principle. (Read the WSJ article)

According to the article, the biggest super stars swore their stellar success was literally sanctioned by God.

The reporter was focusing on pop singers, pro athletes, and movie stars (who, admittedly, could also be accused of narcissism). Nevertheless, the mega earners I interviewed–who were very successful, just not in the spotlight–told me the very same thing…

…in almost identical words. Talent is important but never underestimate the “motivating power of divine conviction” to stack the odds in your favor.

“Believing that God wants you to be famous,” says the reporter Neil Strauss, “actually improves your chance of being famous.”

On the flip side Strauss discovered, “many equally talented but slightly less famous musicians I interviewed felt their success was accidental or undeserved—and soon after fell out of the limelight.”

This “faith gap,” he says, “is often what sets the merely famous apart from the ridiculously famous. It can make the difference between achieving what’s possible and accomplishing what seems impossible.”

This is precisely how Sacred Success works. And it makes perfect sense. Those with a Divine sense of mission–who believe their marching orders come from a Higher Authority–possess a fire in their belly that makes them unstoppable.

Makes you think, doesn’t it? What is your Divine Purpose? Do you believe you even have one? I’d love you to share your thoughts in the comments below.

If you want to learn more about Sacred Success click here.

Anyone Understand ‘Financialese’?

Written by Barbara Huson

Have you ever met with a financial advisor, and wished you had a translator? My sister and I, spouses too, have spent the past few months interviewing various advisors for some family trusts.

Nice people, all of them. But once they got started talking, they were suddenly speaking a foreign tongue.

I thought I knew this tongue. I really did. I’ve written 5 books about money. I even wrote one on Finding a Financial Advisor You Can Trust.

But these folks, at various points in the discussion, had my head reeling.

At first, I was a bit embarrassed. I mean, I should know this stuff, right?

Then it hit me. No wonder so many women aren’t getting the financial help they need. One conversation with an advisor and their heads are reeling too. And most of them just want to put their reeling heads right back in the sand.

Consider this blog (in part) a Plea to Professionals. C’mon, you guys. Speak in plain English. And then check in with clients at frequent intervals to make sure they’re tracking.

But, truth is, I don’t hold out much hope.

And the truth is the onus is on us. I am a Big Believer in working with professionals…be it for a root canal or retirement planning. And sometimes the latter can be as painful as the former! But it doesn’t need to be.

Not if we’re willing to speak up, ask for clarification, and keep asking until we understand.

It all boils down to this. If you don’t understand ‘Financialese,’ it doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It’s simply a sign to ask more questions. The payoff is clarity. But, I’m here to tell you, the real reward is how powerful you’ll feel for standing up for yourself.

Can you relate to this post? You can tell me about your conversations with a financial advisor by leaving a comment below.

STOPPING The Oh-So-Subtle Self–Sabotage

Written by Barbara Huson

In my previous post, I played true confessions. I fessed up that, years ago, I constantly put myself down…without really knowing it!

I have a hunch many of you do the same. And believe me, self depreciation is a subtle but serious form of self sabotage.

I’d like to share what I did to stop. It wasn’t easy. I’m far from perfect. But success is so much easier since I curtailed my self-criticism and began acknowledging my value.

Here’s my 3-point plan to Stop Self Criticism—Observe; Brag; Find Spotters.

I started by observing my conversations. Every time I heard me belittling myself, I stopped. Literally stopped, mid-sentence, and force myself to say something positive…even if it was just ‘thank you.’
I started bragging (thanks to Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts). I mean, I actually prefaced sentences with “I brag…” and then tooted my own horn.
I shared my goal with a few close friends, asking them to spot me by pointing out my more subtle put-downs. They had no trouble catching me in the act. Their feedback was quite effective.

Admittedly, these steps, at first, felt ridiculously uncomfortable, completely awkward. But gradually, I began to notice something. My self-derision all but disappeared. And I felt much better about myself.

I’m here to say, I swear it’s true–what you share, you definitely strengthen. Please leave a comment below on how these steps support you in achieving greatness.

Blog

It’s Never Success That Scares You!! Never!

It’s NOT about Money!

Coming Out of The Closet…Yikes!

What’s Really at the Root of the Financial Crisis?

My Anger at Men

Somebody’s Got To Say No!!!

Women, Money, Power…Oh My!!!

Metafiscal Goes Mainstream (OMG!)

Anyone Understand ‘Financialese’?

STOPPING The Oh-So-Subtle Self–Sabotage

Meet Barbara Huson

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